Month: December 2020

Friends – tape 2966

We’re sticking with Sky One for some episodes of Friends starting with The One Where Ross Got High. Monica’s parents are coming round, but Monica hasn’t told them that she’s dating Chandler. Because they don’t like him. It’s another Thanksgiving episode.

“Whoa, is it snowing out there?” “No.”

Chandler learns that Monica’s parents don’t like him because in college, they smelt pot, and he told them it was Chandler. So they want Ross to confess to his parents. “OK, who shall I say tricked me into getting high?”

But when the truth comes out, the Gellers are delighted that Chandler has “taken on Monica”.

The next episode is The One with the Routine. It’s another Christmas episode. Hooray!

Janine has got a gig dancing on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, and she invites Joey – and Monica and Ross, who are huge Dick Clark nerds.

Phoebe and Rachel persuade Chandler to let them search for their Christmas presents from Monica. Monica’s onto them. “Dear Losers, do you really think I’d hide presents under the couch. P.S. Chandler, I knew they’d break you.”

Ross and Monica are frustrated they’re not getting on the platform during the recording.

So they decide to do ‘the routine’ – one that they did as kids.

Joey gets to kiss Janine at last.

The next episode is The One with the Apothecary Table. Joey and Janine are together, but Janine doesn’t really like spending time with Monica and Chandler. This might be a problem.

Rachel has bought an apothecary table from Pottery Barn, but she tells Phoebe it was from a flea market because Phoebe hates Pottery Barn.

After this, recording continues and there’s an episode of ERThe Domino Heart. Dr Romano is trying to treat an injured acrobat, but when he grabs his arm and puts the man in pain, his acrobat friends bundle him out of the room.

“If the wood fell from above, how did it hit the bottom of her foot?”

After this, recording continues with the start of Veronica’s Closet, but just as the titles roll, there’s a strange recording switch, to Channel 4, and the start of an episode of Jam (one I already have on another tape). I’m not sure why the recording would switch, when there’s not enough space for the recording. The tape ends during the episode.

Adverts:

  • trail: British Tribes
  • Diet Coke
  • Levi’s Engineered Jeans
  • Burger King
  • Bourjois
  • Heineken
  • Homebase – Neil Morrissey Leslie Ash
  • Levi’s Engineered Jeans
  • Hyundai Amica – Luke Goss (or maybe Matt)
  • trail: The Horse Whisperer
  • trail: British Tribes
  • trail: The X Files
  • Adidas
  • Standard Life
  • Bourjois
  • Iceland
  • McDonalds
  • Tampax
  • Brylcreem
  • One 2 One
  • trail: Mercury Rising
  • Oasis – Standing on the Shoulder of Giants
  • trail: The X Files
  • trail: British Tribes
  • Monster.co.uk
  • Jaffa Cakes
  • Learndirect
  • trail: Becker
  • Tetley
  • Vodka Source
  • McDonalds – Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
  • trail: 72nd Academy Awards
  • trail: ER
  • trail: Out of Sight
  • Bupa
  • Bacardi Rigo
  • Pot Noodle
  • Fiat Brava
  • Head & Shoulders
  • trail: Football
  • trail: Buffy/Angel
  • Currys
  • Lycos
  • Impulse
  • Disney DVD
  • Sainsbury’s
  • Surf
  • Scottish Widows/Lloyds TSB
  • Monster.co.uk
  • Specsavers
  • trail: Football
  • trail: The X Files
  • trail: A Kiss Before Dying
  • Shopsmart.com
  • Disney Channel’s Imagination Station
  • Alpen
  • Disney Video
  • Maltesers
  • Bryant Homes
  • Iceland
  • New Woman 2000
  • Sky Digital
  • trail: 72nd Academy Awards
  • trail: Oscar Weekend – Brenda Blethyn
  • Setlers Wind-eze
  • Nytol
  • Bacardi Breezer
  • Any Given Sunday in cinemas
  • Radox
  • Direct Line
  • Comet
  • Robinson’s High Juice
  • trail: World Magic Awards
  • trail: April on Sky Sports
  • Sky Digital
  • Oil of Olay
  • Austin Powers The Spy Who on video
  • Actimel
  • trail: The Simpsons
  • trail: Sunday on Sky Cinema
  • Bupa
  • letsbuyit.com
  • Miller Genuine Draft
  • Lloyd’s TSB
  • Motorola
  • Renault
  • trail: The Usual Suspects

Futurama – tape 2937

Another tape full of adverts from Sky One, with some programmes in between.

That taxi driver is back, giving a rundown of the new programmes tonight. What was that all about?

Then, the first episode of FuturamaSpace Pilot 3000. Pizza delivery boy Fry gets stuck in a cryogenic booth, and frozen for 1000 years. I like the nod to The Time Machine, as we can see time passing through the window.

He meets Leela, whose job is to implant a job chip into all revived people, and Fry is assessed to be a delivery boy. In 3000 you can only do one job. Fry doesn’t like this so he escapes.

He meets Bender in a suicide booth (!).

They hide in the hall of heads, with a guest appearance from Leonard Nimoy.

In the end they find Professor Farnsworth, Fry’s great, great, great… nephew, who offers Fry, Bender and Leela jobs with his own delivery service.

Then next episode is The Series Has Landed. Fry is excited to travel to the moon, and slightly underwhelmed to find that there’s a huge theme park there. I like the Georges Melie joke with this mascot, who’s called Craterface.

Fry and Leela decide to venture out on the moon’s surface, and after getting on the wrong side of a moon farmer, they discover the Apollo 11 landing site. And I got annoyed that the whole lander was intact, when in fact the top section blasted off and returned to the command module – otherwise Armstrong and Aldrin would not have had any way to return.

But I shouldn’t underestimate the writers. There’s a sign inside the lander. “Lander returned to this site by the Historical Stickler’s Society”

In the next episode, Love’s Labours Lost in Space, we get the first appearance of Zapp Brannigan.

And Nibbler.

In Fear of a Bot Planet, there’s plenty of jokes about technology, like the ancient Judge who clearly still runs MacOS.

A reference to the final scene of the 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Next, an episode called A Fishful of Dollars. Fry is tired of having no money, but when he sees a branch of his old bank, he discovers that his account has been accumulating interest, so now he’s rich.

He starts buying up every piece of 20th century stuff he can find. When he discovers anchovies are extinct, and wants to have them on pizza, he finds the only remaining can of anchovies in an auction, and bids for them, against Mom, who runs one of the largest companies in the world, producing robot oil.

 

When Fry wins the auction, she wants to get the anchovies, because the oil they produce, if someone researched their DNA, would put her out of business. So she gets her henchmen to kidnap Fry, pretend that he’s back in 2000, then get Pamela Anderson to order a pizza and soda, which is the same price as his PIN.

The next episode is My Three Suns. Nice Twilight Zone reference.

On a delivery to a planet, Fry accidentally drinks the emperor of a water-based planet. And by tradition he becomes the new emperor.

But the Emperor is not dead.

Next it’s A Big Piece of Garbage. I do like some of the subtitle jokes. Lots of TV nerdery.

There’s a huge ball of garbage heading for New New York.

The team are sent to plant a bomb on the garbage ball. There’s a brilliant joke when Leela starts the bomb. “We’ve got 25 minutes. 15 minutes? 5 minutes?” The display was on upside down.

The last episode on this tape is Hell Is Other Robots. There’s a Beastie Boys appearance.

Bender discovers religion.

I am duty bound to report there was a Trump reference.

There’s a musical sequence about Robot Hell.

After this, there’s the start of an episode of Family Guy. The tape ends here.

Futurama was sponsored by Lego Mindstorms. There’s a full advert for Mindstorms in the ad breaks, which appears to encourage people to make a device that will surreptitiously take photographs of a woman in the shower. Really, Lego? Was even Lego not immune from the toxic laddishness of the 90s?

Adverts:

  • Johnson’s Baby Wash
  • Wipeout
  • trail: Total Recall
  • trail: Tonight on Sky
  • trail: Family Guy
  • Lego Mindstorms
  • Nissan Primera
  • Pringles Right
  • Nokia
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • Gap Kids
  • trail: Gattaca
  • trail: Gattaca
  • Toyota Avensis
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • Sainsbury’s
  • trail: Summer ’99 Uncovered
  • trail: WWF Rebellion
  • Garnier Synergie
  • Flash Antibacterial
  • Sunny Delight
  • MFI
  • Lenor Enhancer
  • Big Daddy in cinemas
  • Vanish
  • Intel Pentium III
  • trail: Guiding Stars
  • Bisto
  • trail: Guiding Stars
  • trail: Tonight on Sky
  • trail: Family Guy
  • Diet Coke
  • McDonalds
  • Rimmel
  • Aircraft of the Aces
  • The Best Pepsi Chart Album in the World Ever
  • Specsavers – Stephen Hawking
  • Egg
  • Sky
  • Sainsbury’s
  • Coca Cola
  • trail: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • trail: Family Guy
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • AOL
  • Flash Antibacterial
  • Citroen Xsara – Claudia Schiffer
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • Marbles
  • Discovery Animal Planet
  • Boots
  • AOL
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • trail: Curse of the Blair Witch
  • trail: Family Guy
  • excite.co.uk
  • Boots
  • Discovery Animal Planet
  • Kit Kat Chunky
  • Robinson’s
  • Rennie Duo
  • Ford Mondeo
  • McDonalds – Tarzan
  • trail: Golf
  • Specsavers – Stephen Hawking
  • Nat West
  • Vodafone
  • Sky Backchat
  • trail: 16
  • BT – ET
  • Final Fantasy VIII
  • Argos
  • Small Soldiers on video
  • Heinz Baked Beans
  • Lycos
  • Ford Mondeo
  • trail: Jackie Brown
  • trail: Antz
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • Apple iBook
  • BT – ET
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • trail: Dream Team
  • trail: Stargate SG-1
  • The Simpsons Greatest Hits on video
  • McDonalds
  • Ice White
  • Lycos
  • Bold
  • Specsavers – Stephen Hawking
  • Babe Pig in the City on video
  • Snickers
  • Robinson’s
  • Mars
  • Andrex
  • More Music To Watch Girls By
  • trail: Max Power Live
  • trail: South Park
  • Currys
  • trail: Explorer’s Journal
  • Ace of Base – Singles of the 90s
  • Toys R Us
  • Nescafe
  • Walt Disney World
  • Age of Empires II
  • trail: Cricket
  • trail: Skyrocket
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • Ford Fiesta
  • Fairy Antibacterial
  • Boss
  • Robinson’s
  • Kodak Advantix
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • trail: Cream
  • trail: The Apocalypse Tube
  • Robinson’s
  • Argos
  • Walt Disney World
  • Weetabix
  • Dairylea
  • Final Fantasy VIII
  • Febreze
  • Boots
  • trail: Tube Tales

Suspiria – Dario Argento Documentary – tape 2948

Over to Channel 4 today, and Dario Argento’s Suspiria. Thanks to the influence of writers like Alan Jones in Starburst, I was always interested in Argento as a director, long before I could see any of his films. When I finally got to see them, it’s was always slightly disappointing. I know this is heresy, but what can I say?

Suspiria is often cited as his masterpiece, but, perhaps because I think I saw them before this, I think I appreciate Deep Red and Tenebrae a little more.

But let’s appreciate the positives first. And that’s Jessica Harper, the token American actor in the otherwise Italian cast, playing Susy Bannion, a young woman who has been accepted at a prestigious dance academy in Italy.

Her arrival is not without problems, as the night she arrives, there’s also a horrific murder, with at least two women being killed in rather spectacular ways.

Argento’s skill is in the design and the setpieces. The film looks gorgeous, and so much of the production design is quirky and odd, like the wallpaper based on MC Escher designs.

Where the film really suffers, though, is in any dialogue scene. There’s interminable dialogue at the start, as people explain the history of the school, or discuss Susy’s fees, or how she now has to pay another student to share her rooms, and because of the way these Italian films are made, everything is dubbed. So we not only have some horribly stilted dialogue in the first place, but it’s delivered in cod-Italian accents by people whose voices I swear I recognise from watching The Flashing Blade as a child.

Susy seems to be unwell, and faints, and they way they treat her, trying to pour what looks like weak ribena down her throat reminds me a lot of Rosemary’s Baby.

The blind pianist is thrown out after his guide dog attacks someone when it’s tied up outside the school. They’re pretty harsh to him, grabbing his cane and chucking it across the room. He’s later attacked by his dog and killed in a deserted square at night.

There’s more deaths, which worry Susy, but don’t seem to perturb the staff. In one, the killer is trying to get through a bolted door by using a razor to lift the latch, so the woman starts piling up suitcases to reach a tiny window up in the wall, then when she finally makes it up there, she climbs through the window and lands in a room that’s completely filled with razor wire. Unspooled razor wire. Who on Earth puts a whole lot of unspooled razor wire in a storeroom? Dario Argento, that’s who.

Trying to make sense of the events, she visits Dr Frank Mandel, played by Udo Kier, who was treating one of the murdered students, and who I distrust because he can’t even drink from a glass convincingly. He tells her that the dance academy was founded by someone who people claimed was a witch. He describes the academy as ‘at first, a school of dance and occult sciences.’ I understand Sadler’s Wells Ballet School is very popular for its Defence Against the Dark Arts courses too.

There’s a familiar Argento device of someone hearing something said which doesn’t make sense, which ultimately leads them to the solution of a mystery. In this case it’s something Susy was told by the first student murdered, which leads her to the secret part of the academy where the witches are congregating (or is it covening?). “The secret! I saw behind the door. The Iris! Turn the blue one.”

So she can now get to where the Witches Witch. There’s a nod to a previous Argento film, with a Bird with Crystal Plumage.

And she destroys the evil by killing the founder of the school, Elena Marcos, who was not, as legend suggested, dead.

All that’s left is an extended sequence of Susy escaping the collapsing school, but at least at the end we learn that Argento is a fan of Dad’s Army and Are You Being Served, as it ends with ‘You Have Been Watching’. But it doesn’t feature the actors mugging to the camera as the music plays. Sadly.

Talking of the music, it’s another part of the movie that’s much beloved, a synthy rock score by the Italian group Goblin, but I found it a bit samey, and it tended to overpower whatever scene it was played in. I’ll probably get drummed out of the Fangoria fan club for saying that.

Just before the next programme, there’s a slight broadcast glitch – we get a single frame of the timer card from the ident that was supposed to be playing, before the advert title card hurriedly appears. Unlikely any viewers would have noticed anything was wrong, as it was literally a single frame.

Then, we get a whole documentary about Argento. Dario Argento: An Eye for Horror. It’s narrated by Mark Kermode. although for this one he doesn’t appear on screen. But there’s interviews with Argento himself.

John Carpenter recalls seeing Argento’s name in the credits of Sergio Leone films.

Michael Brandon starred in an early film, Four Flies on Grey Velvet.

His brother, Claudio, also became a producer, like their father. A family business.

Frequent collaborator (and wife at one point) Daria Nicolodi also co-wrote Suspiria.

Jessica Harper talks about Suspira, and spending hours with maggots in her hair.

Alice Cooper says Suspiria is in his top three horror movies.

Maitland McDonagh talks about the Goblin score. Her book about Argento is really good.

They talk to the chief Goblin himself, Claudio Simonetti.

Staying with the music here’s Rock legend Keith Emerson (of Emerson, Lake and Palmer) who scored his next film, Inferno.

William Lustig is another horror director, responsible for the very violent Maniac.

There’s a discussion about whether Argento is misogynistic. Alan Jones (whose writing first introduced me to Argento) even wonders if Daria Nicolodi’s various and increasingly horrible deaths in the films were reflective of the pair’s worsening relationship.

George Romero talks about collaborating with Argento, first on Dawn of the Dead, then later with Two Evil Eyes.

Tom Savini talks about the work he did with Argento.

Piper Laurie talks about suffering for the special effects.

Argento’s daughter Asia talks of how Argento doesn’t like actors.

Fiore Argento is his daughter from an earlier marriage, now a costume designer.

It’s a good documentary, albeit a bit hagiographic.

After this, there’s a documentary about an arctic expedition, Arctic Journey.

Then the tape ends just as another documentary starts, The Real Dian Fossey.

Adverts:

  • Phones 4U
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  • American Express
  • trail: Frasier
  • Nurofen
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  • Behind Enemy Lines in cinemas
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  • Sudafed
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  • Head & Shoulders
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  • Egg – Daisy Donovan
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  • Mean Machine in cinemas
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  • Reader’s Digest Prize Draw
  • trail: Shackleton
  • Harrods
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  • Teacher Training Agency
  • Dubai
  • Creme Eggs
  • Head & Shoulders
  • The Last Castle in cinemas
  • AOL
  • Film Four – Rhys Ifans
  • American Express
  • Vicks Sinex
  • Cahoot
  • Mean Machine in cinemas
  • MFI
  • Jaguar X-Type
  • Direct Line
  • Vodafone
  • Phones 4U
  • American Express
  • Walt Disney World
  • National Lottery
  • Jaguar X-Type
  • Currys
  • UK Gold
  • Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce
  • Pantene
  • Smoke Alarms
  • Febreze
  • Fiat Punto
  • Hovis Great White
  • Creme Eggs
  • Vicks Sinex
  • Currys
  • Direct Line
  • Reader’s Digest Prize Draw
  • Teacher Training Agency
  • Fiat Punto
  • trail: Naz: The Little Prince
  • Freeserve
  • Royal Air Force
  • Ariel non-bio
  • Pepcid Two
  • MFI
  • Australia
  • trail: Shackleton
  • Fiat Punto
  • Holland & Barrett
  • Fiat Punto
  • Benylin
  • Freeserve
  • Jaguar X-Type
  • Reader’s Digest Prize Draw
  • trail: The Falklands: A Very British War
  • Homebase – Neil Morrissey Leslie Ash
  • Royal Air Force
  • Currys

Buffy The Vampire Slayer – tape 2938

We’re returning to Season Two of Buffy The Vampire Slayer today, starting with yet another repeat – Bad Eggs which we saw only recently.

Skipping Surprise and Innocence – I can’t take that kind of trauma so soon – the next episode on this tape is Phases aka ‘The One Where Oz is a Werewolf.’ That one we’ve also seen before.

There’s another repeat next, Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. See what I said about it here.

Recording switches, and there’s the end of an episode of The Simpsons.

Then, I find we’ve skipped two more episodes (including Passion, one of the most heartbreaking they ever did) so the last episode here is I Only Have Eyes for You. This one I don’t seem to have looked at before.

Buffy stops a boy shooting a girl in the school corridors. But he doesn’t remember why they were arguing, and there’s no sign of the gun.

In class Buffy has some kind of dream or flashback to a pupil and a woman teacher who are obviously involved. She’s played by Meredith Salenger.

She snaps back to the present, and her teacher has just written something very strange on the board that he hadn’t intended: “Don’t walk away from me bitch!”

As if that wasn’t odd enough, a hand grabs Xander from inside his locker.

It’s all being caused because the boy in Buffy’s vision shot the teacher, and this is being repeated by couples throughout the episode. So when Buffy goes in to face it, and Angel (evil Angel) is also there, they too get possessed. But in a great twist, Buffy is possessed by the boy and Angel by the woman, so Buffy gets to shoot Angel, which obviously doesn’t kill him.

This means that when the reenactment reaches the point where Buffy, as the boy, is supposed to kill herself, Angel, as the woman, is there to stop her, and I guess there’s some redemption. It also gives Buffy and Angel one last smoochy moment before the season finale which follows this.

There’s a coda, where Angel and Drusilla leave Spike in his wheelchair while they go out on a hunt. But Spike appears to be more ambulatory than we’d suspected.

After this, there’s the start of The World’s Most Shocking Moments Caught On Tape 2. Which is fairly awful. The tape ends shortly into the programme.

Adverts:

  • trail: ER
  • McDonalds
  • Orange
  • Red Bull
  • Hyundai
  • trail: Cricket
  • trail: Prickly Heat
  • Diet Coke
  • Thomas Cook
  • Citroen Xsara – Claudia Schiffer
  • Talking Pages
  • Maybelline
  • McDonalds
  • Thomas Cook
  • National Lottery Thunderball
  • Sky
  • trail: The X Files
  • Star Wars Episode I Racer N64
  • Land Rover Freelander
  • Freeserve
  • Barclaycard – Nicholas Ball
  • British Gas
  • Star Wars Episode I Racer N64
  • trail: Copa America
  • trail: Stargate SG-1
  • Reach for the Sky
  • Bacardi Breezer
  • RoC
  • Quick Step Uniclic – Mel Smith
  • Clubber’s Guide to Ibiza
  • Daktarin
  • Nokia- The Matrix
  • Peugeot 206
  • trail: Cop Land
  • trail: Sunday Night on Sky
  • Rivella
  • Max Factor – Madonna
  • Pringles
  • Pantene
  • Peugeot 306
  • L’Oreal Line Eraser
  • Sky
  • trail: Rugby
  • Ford Mondeo
  • Driver – Playstation
  • Heinz Salad Cream
  • Boots Advanced Photo System
  • Bazuka Gel
  • Magnet
  • Club Ibiza
  • Gold Blend
  • trail: Stargate SG-1
  • trail: Crusade/The X Files
  • Yahoo
  • Kenco
  • Toyota Yaris
  • Special K
  • Rohto ZI For Eyes
  • Daily Mirror
  • Malibu
  • trail: Star Trek Voyager
  • trail: Dark City
  • Reach for the Sky
  • Caffrey’s
  • Special K
  • Burger King
  • trail: Starship Troopers
  • trail: Sunday Night on Sky
  • Ford Mondeo
  • Abbey National – Alan Davies
  • Persil Colour Care
  • Daily Mail
  • Fujifilm Superia – Rowan Atkinson
  • U Direct Films
  • Schwarzkopf Country Colors
  • trail: Alien Encounter
  • trail: I Know What You Did Last Summer
  • Olympus iZoom – Joan Collins
  • Fiat Punto
  • McCain Micro Chips
  • Royal Mail
  • The Best Trance Anthems Ever
  • Ambre Solaire
  • Daily Mirror
  • Enemy of the State on video
  • Fiat Punto
  • trail: Stargate SG-1
  • trail: Basic Instincts
  • trail: Copa America
  • Ford Mondeo
  • Schwarzkopf Country Colors
  • Flora
  • V-Rally – Playstation
  • Becks
  • trail: Sky News at Ten
  • trail: Crusade/The X Files
  • trail: Friends
  • Twix Ice Cream
  • Felix
  • KFC – Phantom Menace
  • trail: Star Trek Voyager
  • trail: Saturday Night on Sky
  • Reach for the Sky
  • Thomas Cook
  • U Direct Films
  • Specsavers
  • Solero
  • Persil Tablets
  • Pepsi – Phantom Menace
  • Clairol Herbal Essences
  • Austin Powers in cinemas
  • Thomas Cook
  • trail: Xena/X Files
  • trail: Boogie Nights
  • Daktarin
  • Peugeot 306
  • MFI
  • Ariel Tablets
  • Mr Kipling Mini Classics
  • BT – ET
  • Peugeot 306
  • Coca Cola
  • trail: Basic Instincts
  • trail: Cricket
  • trail: Football Fantasia
  • Malibu
  • trail: Ford
  • Safeway
  • Kodak Gold Ultra
  • Boots
  • Hellmann’s
  • Burger King – Wild Wild West
  • Strongbow – Johnny Vaughan
  • Safeway
  • trail: Star Trek Voyager
  • trail: Six Days Seven Nights
  • Miller Genuine Draft
  • Talking Pages
  • Ford
  • trail: Friends
  • trail: Tuesday Night on Sky
  • trail: Saturday Night on Sky
  • B&Q
  • Peugeot 306
  • OneTel

Coupling – tape 2943

This tape opens with the end of an episode of ‘Orrible. There’s a trailer for the next episode afterwards, and one for Vacuuming Completely Nude In Paradise.

Then, an episode of CouplingThe Melty Man Cometh. It took me a while to get into this, as it seemed to be marketed as ‘Friends for the UK’ and even Steven Moffat’s writing couldn’t tempt me. But as soon as I started watching it, I loved it, as Moffat’s plotting and dialogue really hit my sweet spot.

Sally is dating, but he’s a bit awful. “My job is turning ‘no’s into ‘yes’s.”

Sally and Patrick decide to have sex, but, for the first time, Patrick can’t perform. Jeff and Steve explain to him about ‘The Melty Man’.

There’s even a gratuitous Star Wars reference when Patrick is visited by the Melty Man. “You killed my erection.” “No, Patrick, I am your erection.”

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 24th September 2001 – 22:00

We skip several episodes, and the next episode is Naked. Jeff is, against all probability, on the brink of having an affair with his boss Julia. I love Jeff’s ridiculous analyses of the details of dating. Here it’s NAT – Nose Avoidance Tilting.

Jeff’s imagined outcome of kissing a woman ends with his mother emasculating him with a tiny guillotine.

There’s a funny scene where the women get a waiter rather worked up by the repeated use of the word ‘Naked’.

Steve comes to visit Susan, and somehow manages to end up hiding in Julia’s private bathroom.

Jeff finally asks Julia out, and she agrees. Then she tells him he’s in for a surprise, blindfolds him with his tie, and leads him into her office. But it’s a surprise birthday party, so naturally, Jeff strips off.

Culminating with Jeff’s parents arriving. “Oh Jeffrey.”

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 22nd October 2001 – 22:00

Before the last episode, there’s a trailer for Attachments. I remember hating that programme with a passion, so I don’t think I have any of them on tape. But I’d quite like to see one just to confirm I was right.

The last episode of the series is The End of the Line. This is an exquisitely structured episode involving a confusion of phone calls and French accents.

Plus a beautiful cliffhanger which calls back to two earlier repeated phrases. “Where are you going?” “It’s up to you.”

And a great closing gag. “Hello, I am Giselle.”

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 29th October 2001 – 22:00

After this, there’s a trailer for Monday Night comedy with the tag line “There’s a time and a place for comedy. Save it for Mondays.”

This is immediately invalidated by the next trailer in which Patrick Kielty says “We asked everyone with a sense of humour what’s the best night for comedy”. And it turns out it’s Tuesday. Make up your mind, Ian BBC.

The tape ends here.

Roswell High – Friends – tape 2934

Here’s the tape that would have been on Christmas Day if Santa Claus The Movie hadn’t popped up to bump it. So while you’re enjoying your cold turkey and leftover sprouts, let’s head over to Sky One.

I do have a lot of Sky One in my later tapes. Always more work because of the huge amount of adverts. Oh well. I’m off work right now so I shouldn’t complain.

First on this tape is Roswell HighThe Convention. Jonathan Frakes makes another guest appearance, and plays the slightly bored, slightly needy celebrity guest very well.

That guy with the big chin who witnessed Max saving Liz in the Pilot is back, still obsessed with Max.

Slightly more dangerous is Everett Hubble, a legendary alien hunter, who tries to kill Max because he believes he’s a shape-changing alien who killed his wife 20 years ago.

After this, an episode of FriendsThe One with Rachel’s Sister. Reese Witherspoon guests as Rachel’s sister, who has been cut off by their father. WTF is it with rich American parents?

There’s another episode of Roswell HighBlind Date. Liz is selected by the local radio station to be set up as a blind date. Somehow, she doesn’t say no.

Maria decides to help Alex and his band win the contest to play at their event. They’re all edgy, ‘alternative’ and she wants to do pop hits.

Liz is set up with an archaeology student, and they have an intimate date. All this feels horribly coercive, but I guess you have to assume that Liz could just say no. But the social pressure is awful. Her date, I should say, seems to be OK.

This is all just so dull.

It’s followed by another episode of FriendsThe One Where Chandler Can’t Cry. Chandler is watching ET with the others, and they can’t understand why he can’t cry at movies.

Ross and Joey discover that Phoebe has a secret career as a porn star. Here she is in ‘Buffay the Vampire Layer’.

But it’s no Phoebe, it’s her identical twin sister Ursula, which leads to a superb reaction from Phoebe when she walks in on them watching it. “Oh my God WHAT AM I DOING?”

I’m glad we also get a split screen Phoebe/Ursula scene.

After this, recording continues with an episode of ER – Be Patient. Judy Parfitt makes an appearance as Alex Kingston’s mother.

Then the tape ends during an episode of Veronica’s Closet.

Adverts:

  • trail: Bafta Winners
  • Woolworth’s
  • Wall’s Pork Sausages
  • Twix
  • Alton Towers Hotel
  • Woolworth’s
  • trail: Star Trek Voyager
  • trail: ER
  • Huggies Pull Ups
  • Hyundai
  • Nivea Body
  • Paramount Comedy Channel
  • McDonalds
  • Tropical Tunes
  • National Lottery
  • Charmin
  • trail: Crazy People
  • trail: The Orange British Academy Film Awards
  • trail: Good vs Evil
  • Ford Transit
  • Johnson’s pH 5.5
  • Star Wars The Phantom Menace on video
  • Mr Muscle
  • Terry’s Chocolate Orange Segments – Dawn French
  • Volvic – Helen Atkinson Wood
  • Sky Digital
  • trail: The 10th Kingdom
  • trail: Friends
  • Bold
  • Boots Botanics
  • Terry’s Chocolate Orange Segments – Dawn French
  • Gap
  • Johnson’s Baby Shampoo
  • Alton Towers
  • Andrex
  • Boots Botanics
  • trail: Sky Sports
  • trail: Halloween H20
  • Sky Digital
  • Alton Towers Oblivion
  • Egypt
  • Lake Placid in cinemas
  • Oasis – Standing on the Shoulder of Giants
  • Snack-a-Jacks
  • trail: The X Files
  • trail: ER
  • Heinz Salad Cream
  • New Woman 2000
  • Bryant Homes
  • McDonalds
  • Mitsubishi Shogun
  • Gap
  • Volvic – Helen Atkinson Wood
  • excite.co.uk – I’m fairly sure this is Robert Webb
  • trail: The Orange British Academy Film Awards
  • Barclaycard – Angus Deayton
  • trail: The Last Days of Disco
  • trail: The 10th Kingdom
  • MFI
  • Felix
  • Intel Pentium III
  • British Gas
  • Amoy Straight to Wok
  • Dr Pepper
  • Homebase – Neil Morrissey Leslie Ash
  • Lenor Enhancer
  • trail: Sky Sports
  • Sky Digital
  • trail: Death Becomes Her
  • The Sun
  • Mars
  • Erin Brockovich in cinemas
  • National Lottery
  • Nivea Body
  • Seat Leon
  • trail: Football
  • trail: Nightmares
  • trail: Buffy/Angel
  • Citroen
  • Boots Botanics
  • Andrex
  • The Tigger Movie in cinemas
  • Gap
  • B&Q
  • Boots Botanics
  • Sky Digital
  • trail: Killers in the House
  • trail: Sky Digital
  • Clairol Herbal Essences
  • Sega Bass Fishing
  • Fiat Brava
  • trail: The Simpsons
  • trail: The 10th Kingdom
  • Adidas
  • Toyota Yaris
  • Woolworth’s
  • Hugo
  • The Tigger Movie in cinemas
  • Winalot Complete
  • Wilkinson Sword
  • Austin Powers 2 on video
  • Woolworth’s
  • McDonalds
  • trail: Primary Colors
  • trail: Friends
  • trail: ER
  • Metz
  • Dulux
  • Bodyform
  • Virgin Atlantic – Steven Berkoff Steve Buscemi
  • Runaway Bride on video
  • Ice White
  • Wall’s Pork Sausages
  • trail: Sky Sports
  • trail: Buffy/Angel
  • Adidas
  • Coca Cola
  • Open – the Digital TV/Internet thing
  • Ford Transit
  • Austin Powers 2 on video
  • National Lottery
  • trail: Killers in the House
  • trail: Sky Sports
  • trail: The 10th Kingdom
  • Sky Digital
  • Pepsi
  • Runaway Bride on video
  • Rover
  • National Lottery
  • Knorr Micro Noodles
  • Living TV
  • Twix
  • American Psycho in cinemas
  • Travis – The Man Who
  • trail: Nightmares
  • trail: World’s Most Dangerous Magic 1
  • Apple iMac – Jeff Goldblum
  • Ty-phoo
  • Mission To Mars in cinemas
  • Mitsubishi Shogun
  • Shania Twain
  • Heinz Salad Cream
  • trail: Golf
  • trail: Good vs Evil
  • Sky Digital
  • Lenor Enhancer
  • Light Philadelphia
  • trail: VIP

 

Santa Claus The Movie – tape 2949

Merry Christmas! Although I have to make a small confession. These entries appear in the order that I digitised the tapes, so it’s fairly random. And if I stuck to the rules, you would be reading about another non-Christmas tape today. (That’s been bumped to tomorrow.) But as I got the next batch of six digitised files from the hard drive, this one was there, and I decided, because it’s Christmas, and if you can’t break the rules at Christmas, when can you? I decided to move this one up a few days. Editor’s Note: Rule breaking is permissible as it pertains to VHS blog ordering only. Other rules which may be in place should be adhered to to keep you all safe. I have so few readers, I’d hate to lose any of you.

So we’re off to UK Gold. I think these must be their Christmas idents, because I don’t otherwise remember this branding.

So let’s settle back and enjoy Santa Claus The Movie. This was a much hyped production, from the producers of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, hoping to take another legendary figure who loves everyone and flies around making people happy, and have another box office hit.

In many ways, this film, directed by Jeannot Szwarc, who also directed their Supergirl, is structured exactly like a superhero origin movie, so we meet Claus as a friendly old man who, having no children of his own, makes wooden toys for all the children in his local area, delivering them on a sleigh with reindeer. David Huddleston could be the best movie Santa of all time just in appearance.

There’s a dark beginning, though, as Claus and his wife get trapped in a blizzard, and apparently die. “What kind of sick Santa snuff movie is this?” I asked my children as we were watching this.

But fear not, they are saved by the elves who live at the North Pole, played by pretty much every actor under 5’6″ it seems like.

Dudley Moore plays Patch, one of the elves, who has lots of ideas about how to improve the techniques used by the elves.

It’s lucky he’s come along because the elves have a lot of toys, but nobody to deliver them.

Also among the elves is Melvyn Hayes.

And I have to mention Judy Cornwell, who makes a brilliant Mrs Claus.

And there’s Christopher Ryan, off of The Young Ones.

Burgess Meredith turns up as, I don’t know, Gandelf? And explains how Santa Claus will be able to deliver all the toys in one night. It’s a very Superhero shape to the story, as I said.

And Huddleston in his full costume is just perfect.

There’s a montage showing the passage of time, as Santa Claus becomes established as a tradition, until we reach what is probably supposed to be the present day, although much of the design and costumes seems to imply an older time. A young homeless boy called Joe (Christian Fitzpatrick) is huddling for warmth, watching a street corner Santa swigging from a bottle.

He looks up at a window, where a young girl, Cornelia, also an Orphan, but looked after in an expensive apartment. She takes pity on Joe and leaves out a plate of food for him.

There’s some product placement going on.

Santa decides he needs an assistant, and has to decide between Patch and another Elf. Patch builds a big, automated production line to turn out many more toys.

Delivering on Christmas Eve, Santa meets Joe, and gives him a ride on the sleigh.

Cornelia also meets him.

On Christmas Day, though, Patch’s toys appear to be a bit shoddy, and start falling apart. Santa’s reputation takes a hit.

Patch is replaced as Santa’s assistant, thinks Santa doesn’t like him. So he leaves, and heads for the Big City.

Talking of shoddy toys, there’s a Senate subcommittee looking at toy safety, focusing on BZ Toys, run by BZ himself, John Lithgow, brilliant as always.

His toys are very shoddy – a doll which bursts into flames at the merest touch of a lit cigarette.

But Patch sees all the toys being removed from shop windows, assumes that means BZ toys are the most popular, and offers to make him something special for next Christmas.

There’s a big advertising blitz.

Patch even has his own flying vehicle.

Patch’s treat is a lolly that makes people float.

BZ is thrilled with the publicity, and plans to juice up the formula, put it into candy canes, so that people actually fly. And he doesn’t want to wait until next Christmas. “The people don’t want to wait a whole year, they’re dying for a sequel. A sequel! That’s it. We’ll bring it out on March 25th. And we’ll call it… Christmas II.”

Cornelia and Joe overhear BZ and his henchman talking about the candy canes. There’s a problem with them, because the flying potion is so strong, if they get warm they explode. BZ catches Joe and ties him up in the basement.

Cornelia writes an emergency letter to Santa to ask for his help.

Patch discovers Joe in the basement, and he sees the wooden carving Santa gave him, a carving that looks just like Patch. Realising that Santa doesn’t hate him, Patch decides to return to the North Pole, bringing a batch of candy canes for him.

Santa finds Cornelia, and they chase after Patch and Joe, because they know the candy canes in his patchmobile are heating up and going to explode.

Santa has to do a manoeuvre, the Super Duper Looper, which they’ve never managed before, in order to save them. Spatially speaking, this makes no sense whatsoever.

But he does save them both. Of course he does, he’s Santa Claus.

Meanwhile, the police are knocking on BZ’s door after the explosions, so he scoffs some candy canes and flies out of the window.

Back at the North Pole, Cornelia and Joe get to stay there, at least for the rest of the year.

And in a very dark ending, BZ ends up floating into space, still alive. Of course, in the sequel, he was freed from the Phantom Zone when Santa pushes a nuclear bomb out of the top of the Eiffel Tower into space. Or is that the plot of Superman II. I forget.

This isn’t a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, and yet it’s still one of the best representations of Santa in the movies.

After this, recording continues, with a programme from 1985 – it’s the very first Only Fools and Horses Christmas Special To Hull and Back. It’s very odd to watch, as it’s entirely shot on film, so looks like a movie version of the show.

Tony Anholt from Space 1999 appears as a diamond smuggler who wants Del to courier some diamonds from Amsterdam.

Also appearing is Jim Broadbent as a copper who wants to catch the smugglers before he retires.

Rather than fly to Amsterdam, Del-Boy gets the idea to rent a boat and sail across. He gets Uncle Albert to skipper the boat.

There’s even a chase in Amsterdam, making the most of the location filming.

After this, there’s the start of an episode of The Vicar of Dibley. The tape ends during this.

In the ad breaks there’s two pretty harsh adverts to be playing in a feelgood Christmas movie. First, from Tommy’s Charity, this one is heartbreaking:

And this one about Smoke Alarms.

Good night. Don’t have nightmares. Stay safe!

Adverts:

  • UK Food
  • trail: New Year’s Day on UK Gold
  • trail: Cutthroat Island
  • AOL
  • Tommy’s Charity
  • HSA
  • Walt Disney World
  • The Princess Diaries in cinemas
  • Johnson’s Baby Bath
  • Vision Express
  • Harveys Sale
  • Sainsbury’s – Jamie Oliver
  • Virgin Megastore
  • trail: UK TV
  • P&O
  • Going Places – Ricky Tomlinson
  • Fiat Punto
  • Harveys Sale
  • PlayJam
  • Intel Pentium 4
  • Going Places – Ricky Tomlinson
  • Doritos
  • Lord of the Rings – Fellowship of the Ring in cinemas
  • trail: New Year’s Day on UK Gold
  • One 2 One
  • McCain Oven Chips
  • Courts
  • AOL
  • Homebase – Neil Morrissey Leslie Ash
  • Matalan
  • Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in cinemas
  • Duracell Plus
  • Canon Ixus
  • Doritos
  • trail: Only Fools and Horses
  • trail: Cutthroat Island
  • Blockbuster Video
  • Intel Pentium 4
  • Pantene
  • Harveys Sale
  • Serendipity in cinemas
  • Orange
  • Yell.com
  • trail: UK TV
  • trail: New Year’s Day on UK Gold
  • Peugeot 206
  • Courts
  • Reef
  • Intel Pentium 4
  • Ireland
  • Virgin Megastore
  • TV Travel Shop
  • Phones 4U
  • Carlsberg
  • Norwich Union
  • Motorola V66
  • Tommy’s Charity
  • Bourjois
  • Virgin Megastore
  • rightmove.co.uk
  • Teacher Training Agency
  • trail: UK TV
  • One 2 One
  • Harveys Sale
  • Smoke Alarm
  • Comet
  • Fiat Punto
  • Tampax Compak
  • Daz – Julian Clary
  • PlayJam
  • HSA
  • Archers
  • trail: New Year’s Day on UK Gold
  • Vauxhall Corsa
  • Intel Pentium 4
  • Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in cinemas
  • The Rock & Roll Era 1958
  • Ikea
  • Remegel
  • TV Travel Shop
  • Phones 4U
  • Boots
  • trail: UK TV
  • Carlsberg
  • Harveys Sale
  • Nurofen
  • PC World
  • Homebase – Neil Morrissey Leslie Ash
  • Teacher Training Agency
  • PlayJam
  • Johnson’s Baby Bath
  • Vision Express
  • Reef
  • One 2 One
  • trail: Only Fools and Horses “Miami Twice”
  • Intel Pentium 4
  • Eclipse
  • Condoms
  • B&Q
  • trail: Dream Makers
  • Carlsberg
  • Comet
  • Yell.com
  • trail: Christmas Comedy on UK Gold

Buffy The Vampire Slayer – tape 2939

Our Buffy Time Travel continues, as we flip to the second half of Season Three, possibly the best season of the whole show, and, from Sky One, the first episode here is Consequences. The ‘Previously On’ does a great job of reminding us of the important story details. Giles has been replaced as watcher by Wesley. Buffy got a bit wild under Faith’s influence, then Faith kills a human during a vampire brawl who also happens to be the deputy mayor. But Faith doesn’t care. Buffy does, though.

Wesley wants the slayers to investigate the deputy’s murder, against Giles’ advice. Wesley also meets Cordelia and is a bit creepy, considering their theoretical difference in ages. Of course, in real life, he’s been married to Alyson Hannigan for ages, despite their 8 year age difference.

Even shredding evidence isn’t making the Mayor feel better. But he and Mr Trick know that the deputy was probably killed by a slayer.

Buffy is interviewed by Police, as is Faith.

Willow confronts Buffy about her behaviour recently with Faith, unaware of what’s happened. It’s a lovely scene where Willow starts telling Buffy off, then Buffy starts crying and Willow thinks it was her who upset her.

Buffy goes to see Giles to tell him about Faith, but Faith is already there, and has told Giles that Buffy killed the deputy. It’s another nice scene, as Giles thanks Faith, lets her go, Buffy thinks he believes her, but he tells her that it’s obvious Faith is lying. At the risk of repeating myself, I love Giles so much.

Unfortunately, as Giles and Buffy are discussing what to do, and Giles tells Buffy that he won’t get the Watcher’s Council involved, Wesley is eavesdropping, and rushes to the phone.

 

The gang discuss what to do about Faith. Xander suggests he talk to her because ‘they have a connection’ – admitting he’d slept with her. Willow doesn’t take this revelation well.

With all the unearned confidence of a mediocre man, Xander goes to talk to Faith. But she doesn’t respond well to his approach, and ends up with her hands around his neck.

Lucky for Xander, Angel is there to clobber Faith with a baseball bat, and take her to his hideout to try to convince her to walk back from becoming a killer.

Unfortunately for Angel, the Watcher’s Council come barging in and grab Faith.

Doesn’t take Faith long to escape from them, though.

Buffy tracks Faith to the docks, But Mr Trick and his vampire goons arrive, and there’s another big fight. Mr Trick has Buffy cornered, but Faith stakes him. “Oh no, this isn’t good at all.” This definitely felt like a waste of a good villain, although it wouldn’t be the first time (see Maggie Walsh in S4).

But Faith hasn’t been redeemed, she bolts, and the episode ends with her turning up at the Mayor’s office, looking for a job.

We skip an episode (a good one that we’ll see in a couple of months if my calculations are correct) so the next episode is called Enemies. Buffy and Angel come out of what I presume was a movie with lots of sex, and they’re both a bit uncomfortable, and Buffy worries that getting Angel worked up might cause a repeat of the events in Surprise/Innocence.

Buffy and Faith are still patrolling together, since nobody knows Faith has started working for the mayor. A Demon approaches them offering them the Books of Ascension.

Faith tells the mayor about them, and is sent to get the books before Buffy can get them. Faith negotiates hard.

Faith goes to Angel and tries seducing him, hoping to remove his soul. Buffy sees them and assumes Angel and Faith are getting it on.

The Mayor meets a demon, and asks him to remove Angel’s soul with magic. Faith chucks a bit of blood on Angel’s shirt, and the demon does his work.

It works, and Angelus is back.

Faith takes him to see the Mayor. We learn that the Mayor is currently impervious and can’t be killed. A useful plot device.

Xander comes across Faith and Angel in the street, and Angel punches him in the face. I like Xander, but this is funny.

They go to Buffy’s house. I’m always nervous when Joyce is in even the slightest danger.

The gang are researching, and they discover that the Mayor might actually be over 100 years old.

Faith and Angel chain up Buffy and prepare to torture her. But Faith can’t resist taunting her with what she knows about the Mayor and his Ascension, which is coming on Graduation Day. This is a great scene.

 

                                 BUFFY
                    I never knew you had so much rage in you.

                                 FAITH
                    What can I say? I'm the world's best actor.

                                 ANGEL
                    Second Best. 

       Faith turns slowly, realising something. 

                                 BUFFY (To Angel)
                    Graduation Day. You think we missed anything?

                                 ANGEL
                    I think we know everything she knows.

                                 BUFFY
                    May I say something?

       She holds up her hands - no chains.

                                 BUFFY (Contd)
                    Psych!

It’s a lovely reveal, drives the plot forward without the need to spend several episodes collecting information, and also gives us a really tense time thinking Angelus is back. But it was all a plan, engineered by Giles. The demon who pretended to do the soul removal tells him his debt is repaid. “What did you do?” asks Willow. “Oh, I introduced him to his wife.”

The next episode, Earshot, is more of a stand-alone episode. Buffy fights a pair of demons, kills one of them and gets its blood on her hands. Pretty soon, she can hear people’s thoughts. At first it’s weird and embarrassing, but also useful, when Buffy can answer all the questions in English class. I also love how the show uses Othello as a reflection of what Buffy is feeling about Angel and Faith.

It gets a little more serious when Buffy overhears a strong thought in the lunch room “This time tomorrow I’ll kill you all.”

This is such a good episode, filled with hilarious moments, like when Buffy learns that her mother and Giles had sex (in the episode Band Candy). “Twice?”

Buffy is cured of the mind reading, but the gang still have to find out who it is who’s going to kill everyone. Which they do by asking questions, “for the yearbook”. Again, some brilliant little vignettes here. This is an outstanding episode, from writer Jane Espenson. I also love how we meet some characters who have appeared in previous episodes.

The questions draw a blank, until they confront the editor of the school newspaper. It wasn’t him – he was hiding because he thought they were mad at a review he wrote – but Cordelia finds a letter from Jonathan, about how tomorrow “Now you all know what I’ve done, I’m sure you understand why I had to do it.” They have to find Jonathan quickly. Buffy spots him in a high tower with a rifle, and manages to talk him out of shooting everyone. At which point he tells her he had no intention of hurting anybody, and he was there to kill himself.

So who was it? Xander goes looking for Jello in the canteen, and spots the lunch lady putting rat poison in the food. It’s such a great reveal.

And a perfect ending as Giles asks Buffy if she wants to do some training after school. “Sure. If you’re not too busy having sex with my mother!” and Giles walks into a tree.

The final episode on this tape is Choices. Faith gets a present from the Mayor.

Faith brings him a box he needs for his Ascension, but he doesn’t let her look inside as it’s too dangerous.

Finding out about the box, Buffy, Willow and Angel go to steal it, with Willow there to break any spells protecting it.

Buffy and Angel get away with the box, but Willow is not as lucky.

Wesley argues that the box must be destroyed as it’s key to the Mayor’s Ascension. Buffy and Xander argue they should trade the box for Willow. An argument breaks out, until Oz, who has been sitting there saying nothing, stands up, walks over to the magic bowl containing the rare ingredients that can destroy the box, and smashes it. He says nothing, just barely nods at Buffy, and she says “Giles, make the call.”

At the Mayor’s, Willow is being menaced by the vampire guarding her, but she kills him with a floating pencil – I love that this was established early on as the tiniest bit of magic Willow could do, and here it saves her.

Rather than escaping, Willow finds the books of Ascension, and does some research.

There’s a tense hostage exchange in a school classroom, made more complicated when Principal Snyder arrives thinking he’s catching a drug deal. One of his security men makes the mistake of opening the box to look inside and a large insect jumps out and eats his face.

More insects escape, and one of them attacks the Mayor. It’s a good thing he’s invulnerable.

That’s it for Buffy Season 3, though. I’ve checked my database, and it seems the tape that has the final three episodes on it is one I haven’t digitised. Which is a shame because they’re great fun, especially the next episode, The Prom.

After this, there’s the start of an episode of Friends, during which the tape ends.

Adverts:

  • trail: Summer ’99 Uncovered
  • I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter
  • Nestle Fruitful
  • Playtex
  • Lenor Enhancer
  • Bird’s Instant Custard
  • B*Witched – Awake and Breath
  • No7
  • trail: Football
  • trail: Steps Live
  • Nike
  • Iceland
  • Small Soldiers on video
  • VO5
  • Flash WipeUps
  • Comet
  • Old El Paso Nachos
  • Red Bull
  • Huge Hits 99
  • Lycos
  • trail: Movie Babylon/Wild Things
  • trail: Tales from the Crypt
  • KFC
  • Lycos
  • Duracell Ultra
  • Ariel Tablets
  • Clapton Chronicles
  • Batchelor’s Cup a Soup
  • Rowenta Delta
  • Playstation – The Phantom Menace
  • trail: Homer’s House of Horror
  • trail: CI5: The New Professionals
  • Argos
  • Mulan on video
  • Toshiba DVD
  • Lethal Weapon 4 on video
  • trail: Summer ’99 Uncovered
  • trail: Sunday Night on Sky
  • Ford Fiesta
  • Calvin Klein at Debenhams
  • Xena Warrior Princess on video
  • Nescafe
  • Argos
  • Articulate
  • Zovirax
  • Ministry of Sound – The Annual
  • Debenhams
  • trail: Deep Impact
  • trail: Football
  • trail: Boxing
  • bol.com
  • Carphone Warehouse
  • Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat on video
  • Sunny Delight
  • Burger King
  • More Music To Watch Girls By
  • Persil Tablets
  • trail: No Escape
  • trail: Monday Night on Sky
  • trail: Friends/ER
  • Argos
  • Shola Ama – In Return
  • http://www.itsonline.co.uk
  • Domestos Household Wipes
  • Specsavers – Stephen Hawking
  • Vodafone
  • Playtex
  • Fifa 2000
  • Boots
  • trail: US Marshals
  • Mulan on video
  • Domestos Household Wipes
  • Random Hearts in cinemas
  • Harrods
  • trail: Star Kid
  • trail: Saturday Night on Sky
  • Febreze
  • AOL
  • Huge Hits 99
  • Worms Armageddon
  • Chicken Tonight – Ian Wright
  • Mulan on video
  • Alpen
  • WWF The Music
  • AOL
  • Flash WipeUps
  • trail: Tube Tales
  • trail: Sunday Night on Sky
  • trail: Football
  • trail: Boxing
  • Marbles
  • Gatecrasher
  • BT Cellnet
  • The Royle Family on video
  • Dimplex Rio
  • Dance Decade
  • Lethal Weapon 4 on video
  • AA Insurance
  • Backstreet Boys – Millennium
  • trail: Star Kid
  • trail: No Escape
  • The Best Love Songs Ever
  • AA Insurance
  • Final Fantasy VIII
  • Iceland
  • Aquafresh
  • Motorola
  • Homebase – Neil Morrissey Leslie Ash
  • trail: US Marshals
  • trail: Monday Night on Sky
  • Cafinesse
  • Mariah Carey – Rainbow
  • trail: South Park
  • trail: Patriot Games
  • Heinz Carrot & Orange Soup
  • Matalan
  • Carphone Warehouse
  • KFC
  • Woolworth’s
  • AA Insurance
  • Currys
  • trail: Deep Impact
  • trail: The Apocalypse Tube
  • Kellogg’s Rice Krispies Squares
  • Notting Hill on video
  • Hugo
  • BT – ET
  • Wella Viva
  • Boots Opticians
  • Discovery Animal Planet
  • The All Time Greatest Love Songs
  • PC World
  • Fairy
  • trail: Football
  • trail: Face
  • Boss
  • Cream Anthems 2000
  • Toys R Us
  • Rimmel
  • Heinz Carrot & Orange Soup
  • Mariah Carey – Rainbow
  • Garnier Movida
  • trail: Cream
  • trail: Blade
  • Kleenex Balsam
  • The Mask of Zorro on DVD
  • Airwaves
  • WH Smith
  • trail: Tube Tales

Fortean TV – Brass Eye – ER – The Late Review – tape 2288

This tape opens with the end of an episode of Travelogue.

Then we have an episode of Fortean TV in which leather-clad cleric The Reverend Lionel Fanthorpe looks at a variety of mysterious phenomena.

The first item looks at Mermaids, with the world’s leading authority on Mermaids, David Heppell.

He’s got some specimens of alleged mermaids.

They dissect one to find out its true nature. What a shock – it’s made of wood.

The next item is about strange rainfall. A man and his daughter tell of straw falling from the sky. Is he still using n Amstrad word processor?

The next item isn’t quite as unexplained, as it’s about surgeon fish. Remember the craze for having fish eat the dead skin from your feet some time ago?

There’s an aubergine that has the words ‘Allah Exists’ in arabic in it.

The final item is about the Chupacabra, or “Goat Sucker”.

After this, recording continues, and there’s an episode of Brass EyeAnimals. This is the third recording of this episode I have, and it’s the first episode in the very first showing.

There’s an in-vision announcer.

Then an episode of ERLast Call. Dr Ross’s latest sexual partner is very drunk, and has a seizure when he’s driving her home so he goes to the ER. Carol tries to get a patient history. “What’s her name?” “I don’t know.”

After this, recording switches to BBC2 and the end of Newsnight, and a trailer for Dawn of the Dead.

Then, an episode of The Late Review. Presented by Mark Lawson. Panellists Tony Parsons, Germaine Greer and Howard Jacobson discuss Hugh Grant’s thriller Extreme Measures, Blake Morrison’s book As If and Chris Morris’ Brass Eye.

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 30th January 1997 – 23:15

After this there’s a trailer for some programmes about Orson Welles.

There’s Weatherview, and an advert for ‘Count Me In’ – a numeracy campaign.

Then, an episode of The Midnight Hour, presented by Trevor Phillips.

The only person on the panel I’ve heard of is Andrew Adonis.

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 31st January 1997 – 00:00

After this, there’s a trailer for Nostromo starring Colin Firth who, in this at least, looked surprisingly like me at the time. No really.

Then it’s time for the Learning Zone.

There’s a programme about architecture, Building By Numbers, a short contemplation of The Seven Year Itch, and The Spiral of Silence which looks at why the polling for the 1992 Election got it so wrong, featuring, among others, John Curtice.

The tape ends during this.

Adverts:

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  • McCain
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  • trail: TFI Friday
  • trail: NBA The All-Star Game
  • VW Golf
  • BT – Brian Walden
  • Kinder Egg
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  • Extreme Measures in cinemas
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  • Redoxon
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  • Allders
  • Jersey
  • Colgate Total
  • Burger King
  • Centrum
  • Clearasil
  • Heart 106.2
  • Flora – Richard Wilson
  • Halls

Glory of the Geeks – Talking Heads – The One Where Johnny Makes Friends – tape 2944

Over to Channel 4 for the second part of Robert Cringely’s documentary about the birth of the Internet, Glory of the GeeksServing The Suits. He visits Bob Metcalfe, the inventor of Ethernet, at his pig farm. Metcalfe was working at Xerox PARC where he developed the first version of Ethernet – up to 256 computers all connected on one long piece of coaxial cable. When Xerox did exploit the technology enough, Metcalfe started his own company to build Ethernet interfaces for PCs, called 3Com.

The next big player in networking was Sun Microsystems, first with founder Andy Bechtolsheim.

Vinod Khosla persuaded Bechtolsheim to form the company with him.

The third founder is Scott McNealy.

Completing the core team as Bill Joy, software specialist, who would allegedly rewrite a whole Unix operating system over the weekend [citation needed]. He also, notoriously, created the vi text editor.

The next step in the story was at Novell, a company that was rescued from failure because of a project that had only just been started – Netware, another way of networking PCs with file servers.

Enter Microsoft, and there’s a section talking about Microsoft’s rather disastrous attempts to enter the networking business in the late 80s – OS/2 LanManager anyone?

Bob talks to Stewart Brand, founder of online community The Well (Whole Earth ‘Lectronic Link). Which owed its success to, believe it or not, a large community of Grateful Dead fans. To this day, I don’t think I’ve ever knowingly listened to a Grateful Dead song. For such a famous band, you’d think I’d know at least their ‘big hit’. I probably do know one, but not that it’s from the Grateful Dead.

Sandy Lerner is a co-founder of Cisco systems. Cisco’s killer product was the network router, which allowed different, separate networks to talk to each other.

She founded it with her husband Len Bosack, who talks about how working 100 hours a week is ‘a start’ and comes off as a psycho. Len and Sandy are no longer married.

The story of Cisco, and the way Venture Capitalist Don Valentine treated the founders, is rather unpleasant.

Here’s a version of this show – this is the American version, with the title Nerds 2.0.1.

The last episode in the series takes the Internet into the 90s, with Wiring The World. The first major innovations was the World Wide Web, created at CERN by Tim Berners-Lee.

The 90s Web was a whole aesthetic, wasn’t it?

TBL wasn’t the first one to have the idea of using hypertext on the internet – that was Ted Nelson, with his ‘Xanadu’ concept, but that never made it beyond theory.

Marc Andreessen developed Mosaic, a web browser, which became Netscape.

Jim Clark took the Mosaic browser, and Andreessen, and created Netscape as a company.

Steve Ballmer does his usual bullshit about why the first browser offering from Microsoft wasn’t that great, basically blaming the company’s focus on shipping Windows 95. I don’t have a lot of time for Ballmer.

Bob talks to the founder of Excite, one of the early search engines.

He also talks to the founders of The Motley Fool, an online money advice site. They do insist on wearing the stupid hats.

Larry Ellison tells us what type of underwear he likes (Munsingwear, apparently, a fact that I retain in my head to this day, and which is probably preventing my brain from achieving its true potential. Curse you, Ellison!)

Jeff Bezos, from the early days at Amazon when it just sold books, and it never made a profit, and he still had some hair.

Bob talks to some of the people who moved from India to Silicon Valley to work in the industry.

James Gosling created Java, at the time the ‘network’ programming language. Remember when Java used to run in the browser?

Microsoft finally take notice of the web, after Bill Gates writes his famous company memo, ‘The Internet Tidal Wave’, and refocuses the company on making the internet central to every other part of the company.

Because they were seen to be giving the browser away for free, the US Department of Justice launched an anti-trust case against them.

Here’s this episode in American form.

After this, recording switches, and there’s the end of a documentary, Lloyd George’s War.

There’s a trailer for Cold War. Plus a trailer for BBC Choice featuring Pauline Quirke and some daleks.

Then, a new series of Alan Bennett’s Talking Heads starts with Miss Fozzard Finds Her Feet, starring the great Patricia Routledge. This is, as usual, funny and sad.

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 6th October 1998 – 21:50

After this the recording switches back to Channel 4 for The One Where Johnny Makes Friends. Johnny Vaughan has a day on the set of Friends when it’s shooting in London, and pretends that the security keep throwing him out. I don’t have a lot of time for Johnny Vaughan, I have to admit.

It’s not even that interesting, with not much that wouldn’t have been produced with a bunch of junket interviews. Although we do get a BTS shot of Joey and Fergie.

And some rehearsal shots.

Some cast hijinks, as Matt Le Blanc interrupts Matthew Perry’s interview to fix his makeup.

The only interesting part of it (in hindsight) is Vaughan telling Courteney Cox that he always thought Monica and Chandler would get together – which happens in the London episodes, so Vaughan wouldn’t have known.

I did like the moment when he gave David Schwimmer a book of Pam Ayres poetry, and Schwimmer read part of one an found it very funny.

After this, there’s the start of an episode of Ally McBeal, in which the firm are representing a foot fetishist who broke into a woman’s apartment to touch her feet. I mean, is this whole show about creeps?

The tape ends shortly into the episode.

Adverts:

  • trail: Portillo’s Progress
  • VW Passat
  • Norwich Union
  • Hoover
  • Millennium Bug
  • Mail on Sunday
  • Eurostar
  • trail: The 11 O’Clock Show
  • B&Q
  • Air Canada
  • The Equitable Life – Buzz Aldrin
  • Alfa Romeo
  • Millennium Bug
  • American Express
  • Mail on Sunday
  • B&Q
  • Hankook
  • Norwich Union
  • Goldfish Card
  • Millennium Bug
  • Virgin One
  • Sunday Times
  • BT
  • Daily Telegraph
  • Royal Mail
  • Alcatel
  • Hankook
  • Dell
  • Norwich Union
  • trail: Wild Tales
  • Renault Scenic
  • Kronenbourg 1664
  • The Equitable Life – Buzz Aldrin
  • Eurostar
  • Varilux
  • HMV
  • Air Canada
  • The Economist
  • Air Canada
  • Miller Genuine Draft
  • Standard Life
  • Vauxhall Astra
  • Alcatel
  • Clover
  • Mars
  • Kronenbourg 1664
  • Rimmel
  • Ikea
  • Asda
  • T4
  • trail: Forget Paris
  • Bacardi
  • Bodyform Invisible
  • Boddingtons
  • Airwaves
  • Vauxhall Astra
  • L’Oreal Jet-Set
  • Bacardi Breezer
  • Ikea
  • McDonalds
  • Heinz Spaghetti
  • Revlon
  • Whiskas Singles
  • Coca Cola
  • trail: Sex Bomb
  • Film Four
  • So Good
  • Kronenbourg 1664
  • The Times
  • Maybelline
  • Fairy Tablets
  • Rice Krispies Squares
  • Honda
  • Centrum
  • So Good
  • trail: The Big Breakfast
  • trail: Forget Paris