Modern Times – Babylon 5 – Friends – The Fast Show – Have I Got News For You – Channel Izzard – The Phoenix and the Carpet – tape 2731

Here’s a huge tape, recorded in Long Play. It’s Christmas 1997, and I would have had to set LP tapes because I spent this Christmas in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, with my wife’s family, who lived over there for a lot of her childhood, and she would go back there every Christmas. After we got engaged, then married, I would join her over Christmas. It’s a fascinating place to be. But it would have meant that I was setting tapes to record Christmas TV while I was gone. Given how much stuff went on over the season, I can imagine I probably had three VCRs at the time recording stuff while I was away.

The tape opens with a montage of musical programmes for Christmas.

Then, an episode of Modern Times – Prommers. This isn’t quite as good as a previous documentary on the subject of people who frequent the Proms, which, if you recall, featured my wife and many members of her family, from a time a bit before I had even met her, so it was a bit wonderful.

This isn’t quite such a revelation. It concentrates on the season ticket holders, who formed a bit of a clique amongst the Prommers. So some of the faces are familiar, but not ones that we’d consider friends.

In particular, there’s John Underwood, an older, possibly retired man, who did things like organise a small orchestra of promenaders. He always struck us as a bit strange, and at the time he’d become engaged to a young student, which didn’t seem like a relationship that was destined to last.

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 17th December 1997 – 21:00

After this, there’s a trailer for Modern Times: Toy Stories. And for The Philadelphia Story.

Then, there’s the start of Trouble at the Top. It’s looking at a man who’s buying the company that makes the Reliant Robin.

After a few minutes, recording switches and there an episode of Babylon 5 – The Deconstruction of Falling Stars.

The background of this episode is interesting. Another episode was shot and edited as the finale of this season, intended to finish the whole series, after the show had been cancelled by its original network. However, late in the day, another channel picked up the show, so that original finale was locked away, and a new season finale was produced, which is this episode.

It opens with Sheridan and Delenn returning to the station after their marriage.

But the episode takes the form of looking forward at broadcasts from up to 1000 years in the future. 100 years in the future, there’s a Question Time style panel basically asking “Were Sheridan and Delenn really all that?” Of interest is a scene which is from the timeframe of the next series, which shows Garibaldi as a hostage, and Sheridan announcing that they don’t negotiate with terrorists, and seems to end with Garibaldi being shot. In Phoenix Rising (see yesterday) this scene played out similarly, although Garibaldi wasn’t killed.

A very old Delenn turns up to tell them that Sheridan wasn’t power hungry, and actually he was a nice man. A very, very nice man.

The next segment is from 500 years after the events in the show. An Earth faction hostile to the Interstellar Alliance is using holograms to create fake propaganda, depicting Sheridan as a vicious killer, and Franklin as a vivisectionist doing experiments on children. It’s all ridiculously overblown, and given our current political climate, I believe this 100%.

The mistake they’ve made is in using sophisticated, AI driven holograms, reconstructing the thought patterns of the regulars. Garibaldi, in particular, is still the fast talker, and he offers his tactical expertise to the man. asking him what their plans are. “Estimated dead?” “15 to 20 million enemy casualties.” and once he’s got him to spill the plans, he reveals that, while they’ve been talking, because Garibaldi was always good with hacking systems, he’s managed to broadcast the whole conversation to their enemy. The scene ends with the place they’re in being destroyed by missiles. It’s a really good scene.

The next scene is 1000 years after the show, with a couple of monks illuminating bibles featuring the characters in the show, again making a big deal about the mythologising of the time and the people on the show. One of the monks is played by Roy Brocksmith, the kind of familiar face you see in lots of things. I remember him as the doctor in Total Recall who turns up halfway through and tries to tell Arnie that he’s imagining the whole thing.

It’s an interesting episode, and quite a clever way to fill that particular slot in the season, and the closing caption, as creator Joe Straczynski has said himself, is a huge Fuck You to all the people who said the show wouldn’t last a year, let alone its full five years.

After this, recording continues for a bit, as you would expect on a timer recorded tape. I used to leave two minutes before the show starts, and five minutes after, assuming there was no overlap. So after this there’s the start of a programme of short films, opening with an introduction by Shane Meadows.

There’s a short film, …is it the design on the wrapper? before the recording switches and there’s an episode of Friends – The One at the Beach. During a trip to the beach, Phoebe visits her mother’s best friend from school, played by Teri Garr. The revelation at the end is that she’s actually Phoebe’s real mother.

Rachel is jealous of Ross’s girlfriend, so she persuades her to shave her head.

After this, there’s a few minutes of Ellen before recording switches again. It’s an episode of The Fast Show, and I’ve missed the start. I like the sketch where Paul Whitehouse, Mark Williams and Felix Dexter are arguing about who’s more middle class.

Unlucky Alf has had his house rewired.

The Ted & Ralph sketch is possibly the saddest one they ever did. “Tomato Ted Aubergine Your Potato Wife’s Turnip dead.”

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 19th December 1997 – 21:30

After this there’s a trailer for Stella Street and for Flatworld.

Then, Have I Got News For You, with a compilation of the best bits from the year. Remember Swampy? When does he get to be Prime Minister?

Tony Livesey, now a respected broadcaster on the BBC, appeared in his previous role as editor of the Sunday Sport.

Will Self repeats the name ‘Hale-Bopp’ over and over again.

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 19th December 1997 – 22:00

After this, there’s a trail for Christmas comedy, then a very Scroogelike man on Video Nation saying how much he hates Christmas.

Then, the start of Newsnight, “the last Friday Newsnight before Christmas” says Jeremy Paxman, and it’s definitely got that end of term feel. I half expected him to say they’d all brought in boardgames.

They’re soliciting from email now, and I love the way Paxman intones the email address, reading it out like a ten year old boy who’s been told by his parents that he has to apologise nicely to his sister. I wonder how many people got the address wrong because the second ‘n’ looks like an ‘r’ because of the seams in the video wall?

It opens with a piece by Helen Fielding, hot from Bridget Jones, but the recording switches just as this starts.

It switches to Channel 4, and Channel Izzard. Playing a bit on Izzard’s reputation as ‘the one who doesn’t do TV’ Channel 4 have given him a whole evening of television. I’ve missed the very start, but the first bit has Jim Broadbent telling him that the only thing that will assuage his massive ego is to have a whole channel dedicated to him.

Incidentally, when I was watching the Prommers documentary earlier, my daughter commented how it was reminding her of a Victoria Wood documentary, and I agreed, saying I could imagine John Underwood being played by Jim Broadbent. So imagine my surprise (and my lack of surprise) when, as I was scrolling though the recording on my laptop as the documentary was still playing, and I hit this scene. And to make matters worse, someone later in the documentary even mentions Victoria Wood. My life is nothing but tiny, meaningless coincidences. Or I am the centre of the universe. If only I could use this power for good.

I have to say, this is not great. The studio bits feel a bit weak. His rambly, improvisational style feels a bit off in the intro section, and I’m not convinced that the Skipwatch bit is a brilliant idea. See what you think. (This isn’t my upload, but that’s probably best because this is a long play tape, and there’s sections with a lot of audio crackle.)

Emergency Christmas Shopping isn’t much better.

There’s a very weird piece – Lust For Glorious – which pretends to be a documentary about trying to promote Eddie in the US. It also has bits in France, but I missed the reason for that. It features Mac Macdonald

And Phil Kay

There’s the weirdest bit, where they’re looking for women to appear (in France) and Eddie sees a woman in a cafe and wants to persuade her to appear. She’s annoyed as she’s waiting for her friend. Then, when her friend appears, the ‘film crew’ offer them a large fee to perform on the film, and it ends up being like the opening of a porn movie, about how attractive Eddie is to women, and I know it’s supposed to be a satirical comment on how to make Eddie more acceptable to an American audience, but it also reads as him trying to reassure audiences that he’s a real man. It’s so odd.

This film was directed by Peter Richardson of Comic Strip fame. Not his strongest work.

After this, there’s the start of Definite Article, one of Eddie’s stand-up shows, but that’s where this recording stops.

The next recording is on BBC One, and it’s the final episode of The Phoenix and the Carpet, a fairly typical Sunday Afternoon children’s serial, based on the E Nesbit book.

Jean Alexander, post-Hilda Ogden, plays a maid.

My wife thinks the ending, in which the Phoenix dies in the fire, is the saddest ending ever – and she would be remembering reading the book as a child, so I’m sure she’s right. It’s not quite the ending of Elidor, where our hero, who we’ve followed for six episodes, actually stabs a unicorn in the heart and kills it in order to save the world. A UNICORN! I’m still angry about that one.

BBC Genome: BBC One – 21st December 1997 – 16:35

After this, there’s a trailer for A Tribute to Stephane Grapelli. And one for Birds of a Feather.

Then there’s the start of an episode of The Great Antiques Hunt. Featuring Sandi Toksvig

And June Whitfield.

The tape ends shortly into this programme.

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Babylon 5 – tape 2728

Remember, a couple of tapes ago, when I was delighted that I had a tape of Buffy episodes that followed directly on from the last ones I’d looked at.

Today, not so much as we skip from the middle of Season 4 to the middle of Season 5 of Babylon 5 with A Tragedy of Telepaths. Don’t let the fact that this tape number is one less than yesterday’s – by this time in my database, I was adding tapes to the database as I was digitising, so the ordering is even more random.

The episode opens with a ‘previously on’ disguised as a sort of ‘Captain’s Log’ with Captain Lochley setting the stage. A large group of telepaths, wanting a safe homeworld, have welded themselves into Brown sector. People outside are rather angry about the telepaths, thinking that they know all their secrets. So it seems as if the telepaths are probably all going to die at some point. But at least they all have great hair. It’s definitely the nineties.

Meanwhile, on Centauri Prime, Londo and G’Kar are getting on, now that the war is over. But G’Kar discovers his former aide Na’Toth has been kept prisoner in a cell for two years, and nobody knew.

Lochley gets into the sector where the telepaths are, and meets with their leader whose name escapes me because he was so boring. (iMDb tells me it’s Byron.) He and Lyta Alexander tell Lochley that they expect to die soon.

Meanwhile, the Alien races keep finding evidence of attacks from other alien races. During the council session, there was a Gaim, one of the aliens that was based on (and named for) Neil Gaiman’s Sandman.

Bester of the Psicorps arrives to deal with the telepath problem. He’s always good value.

But this is a bit of a scene-setting episode, preparing for a confrontation. The next episode is Phoenix Rising. Bester has brought his men to the station, and they’re tracking down the few telepaths who aren’t locked into Brown sector.

But the rogue telepaths seem to be more effective than Bester is expecting.

Garibaldi tries to get Bester to make a confession about what he did to him and Sheridan (I can’t remember the details of that, since Bester did a lot of bad things). But Bester has implanted an ‘Asimov’ block that prevents Garibaldi harming Bester, or allowing him to come to harm.

Byron tells Lyta about his past. He’s a strong P12, and was being trained by Bester as his protege, and helped to destroy a ship full of ‘mundanes’. This was what made him leave the psi-corps. Incidentally, Byron is played by Robin Atkin Downes, who had a prior role in the previous season – as a Minbari in Atonement. Yet another tiny but weird coincidence.

After some hostage taking and negotiation, Byron finally finds there’s no way out, and blows himself up.

Garibaldi is not taking the news of his inability to kill Bester well, lapsing back into booze.

Next is The Ragged Edge. The Alliance members are boycotting the council until something is done about all the attacks on their ships. They get word about a human pilot who might have witnessed an attack, on the Drazi homeworld, so Garibaldi is sent to investigate. Trouble is, he’s just started drinking again, so things go wrong when he and his contact get plastered, then his friend is attacked but persons unknown, then Michael is attacked by Drazi he doesn’t know. It’s all getting a bit out of control.

G’Kar arrives back at Babylon 5 to discover all the Narn there have now read the book of G’Kar, and he’s now being treated like a religious leader.

Finally, Franklin announces that he wants to leave Babylon 5 to become the head of xenobiology at Earthdome.

The final episode on this tape is The Corps is Mother, The Corps is Father and for a change, we’re at the Psi-corps headquarters on Earth.

Naturally, Bester features in this episode, which actually focuses on him, as he mentors a couple of telepath interns, and has to travel to Babylon 5

It’s an interesting change of pace, but sometimes I do think that these Psi-Corps episodes would be awful if it wasn’t for Walter Koenig.

I’m assuming, from the plethora of these bumpers, the Friends was returning to Channel 4 this week.

After this episode, there’s a short film called The Beast. It’s about a chimpanzee that speaks through an electronic device.

Roscoe Lee Brown plays a judge.

After this, there’s the start of an episode of Reality on the Rocks, the physics exploration presented by Ken Campbell. The tape ends shortly into this episode.

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French and Saunders – Space Cadets – Babylon 5 – tape 2729

Opening this tape, French and Saunders, with an episode I have no immediate memory of, which is odd, given that it opens with a Batman parody, which is totally my kind of thing. The F&S logo as batsymbol is lovely.

The Krankies have escaped from Gotham Asylum (not Arkham – a missed reference there).

“Wayne Sleep Manor”

“But we haven’t used the batcave since it was destroyed by Titch & Quackers.”

I’m not sure this screengrab does Dawn’s codpiece justice.

Patrick Barlow is playing Alfred

It’s an impressive Batmobile prop.

Patsy Kensit plays the love interest. She’s obviously meant to be Nicole Kidman, so this is clearly a Batman Forever pastiche.

Dawn is having a Sophia Loren sort of day.

There’s a good sketch about parents trying to play with their children and failing because they’re too judgemental.

A guest appearance from Kate Moss.

Batman and Bobbin are having trouble fighting the Krankies, so they decide to beat them at their own game.

“Ker-Krankie”

BBC Genome: BBC One – 25th January 1996 – 21:30

After this, something a bit rarer. It’s an episode of Space Cadets, the Sci-Fi themed panel show from Channel 4.

It’s a panel show, featuring host Greg Proops.

Captains Craig Charles

and Bill Bailey

On Craig’s team, Kevin Day

And SF author Tricia Sullivan

On Bill’s team, Chloe Annett

And comedian John Moloney

It’s quite a lot of fun. iMDb suggests this is the last episode in the series.

After this, Babylon 5 – Atonement. It’s the middle of season 4. The Shadows have been defeated, so the new threat is the old threat – Earth Alliance, under President Clark.

Zack is having his uniform fitted, complaining a lot about how uncomfortable they are.

There’s a beautiful non sequitur moment, when Sinclair goes past a lift, and it opens, and Ivanova stumbles out, wearing the green Drazi collar, after attending a Drazi diplomatic function. There’s an unconscious Drazi in the lift behind her.

This is mostly a Delenn story. She’s summoned back to Minbar to explain why she’s started a relationship with a human. My tendency would be for her to tell the pompous men (it’s all men) to just fuck off, it’s none of their business, but she’s a dutiful Minbari, so she has to take part in the process.

The process seems to involve her reliving moments of her past, involving her mentor, Dukhat.

The big revelation is that it was Delenn who gave the order to go to war with the humans, after Dukhat was killed by the humans’ initial attack.

And a further revelation is that Delenn is descended from Valen, who, we know now, was actually the former commander of Babylon 5, Jeffrey Sinclair, transported back in time. So it’s OK for Delenn to hook up with Sinclair. I do like the weaselly attempts by the Minbari high-up to stifle this information because it wouldn’t be good for the Minbari to discover that they are part human. Sadly, it feels quite current in today’s political climate.

There’s a nice coda, featuring Marcus and Dr Franklin, travelling to Mars, and not really enjoying each other’s company. I especially like Marcus singing the Major General’s song from HMS Pinafore, the full version of which is featured over the end credits.

The next episode is Racing Mars. All TV is blocked on B5, except ISN, which is replaying an interview with Garibaldi, retired from his role on the station, and stringly criticising the cult of personality that’s grown up around Sinclair. It leads to a stand-up row, very public on the station. As a result he’s approached by some people loyal to Earth, to

Meanwhile on Mars, Franklin and Marcus meet their contact, a man called Captain Jack. Yes, predating Sparrow and Harkness.

But when they eventually make contact with the leader of Mars resistance, Captain Jack takes a shot at her. He’s under the control of a spidery thing.

But they’ve finally met up with the leader of Mars Resistance, Number One.

After another public row, culminating in Garibaldi punching Sinclair, he’s again approached by the pro-Earth scumbags, and he agrees to help them.

The final episode here is Lines of Communication. Sinclair is getting angry with the lies and propaganda coming from ISN. Fake News, again, completely up to date.

Delenn goes flying about with a fleet of White Stars, and encounters some mystery ships attacking friendly forces. And one of her own appears to be working with these mystery aliens, the Drakh.

The Drakh emissary certainly looks strange.

After this, there’s the start of an episode of Under the Moon. The recording ends shortly into the episode, and underneath, a previous episode of Under the Moon. Containing fascinating things like a man with the world’s largest collection of Monopoly boards.

After a bit of this – and about as dull as I usually find sports discussion programmes, the tape ends.

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Lexx – tape 2734

Here’s a show that came and went, got a fair amount of coverage in genre magazines, but seems to be mostly forgotten now. Lexx is a Canadian/German co-production, and somehow that combination doesn’t fill me with promise.

Opening the tape is a Sci-Fi channel introduction to the show, featuring the writers and some of the cast (not that there were many cast members – the sign of a very cheap show). I have to say, this introduction gives off all the creepy vibes that I got from the show when it was first running, and which is probably why I never really watched it. I haven’t even watched this recording before. Describing the woman Zev as “A little bit of love slave” isn’t a good start, and when they describe another character, Stanley Tweedle, as “incredibly horny all the time, and can never get that paid off so he’s got some problems down below”. It’s all so skeevy.

This is the second episode, and starts off with an incredibly long introduction. Zev “was made into a love slave as punishment for failing to perform her wifely duties.” I mean, what? This is deeply rapey stuff, with the whiff of Incels layered on top.

Frankly I’m none the wiser after the ‘previously on’ bit. But it perks up microscopically when Tim Curry appears as some sort of hologram or something.

You can get some idea of the budget of this show from this set. A couple of columns, a red curtain, and a chair contraption. I’d say it was reminiscent of Twin Peaks but that never looked this bad.

Tweedle is strapped to a chair, and a phallic looking syringe approaches menacingly, threatening to impregnate him. I said it was rapey.

Meanwhile Zev and Kai are strapped to two more tables. They don’t even bother with curtains with this one, just don’t light the surrounding area.

No impregnation here, just circular saws. Kai (Michael McManus) appears to get sliced in two, but I’m presuming that because his character is supposed to be dead already, this won’t be too much of a detriment to his continued appearance in the show.

Tweedle gets rescued from his rape nightmare by a new character (I presume she was in the previous episode too) called Giggerota, whose main characteristic is that she’s hot for Tweedle. Big 90s hair too. Again, everything seems to revolve around sex.

But she’s a bit fickle. When Stanley won’t leave Zev and Kai on the planet, she gets angry, and starts off a supernova. She also cuts his hand off so she can take the Lexx for herself.

Kai gets magically joined back up again.

On this evidence, I don’t think I’ll be seeking out any more of this show. I mentioned the ‘previously on’ and how it seemed to go on for ever, and have a hugely complicated story, yet this episode barely has anything. The scene where the circular saws are approaching Zev, while Stanley and the Giggerota argue about saving them, is ridiculous, with the power getting shut off and switched back on again over and over again.

The whole thing feels rather like a softcore porn parody of something, but with all the porn cut out. I notice that iMDb give it a running time of around 90 minutes, but this episode fits into an hour slot with ads and trailers, so I’m going to guess that this was actually the second half of the second episode, which would explain why nothing made sense at the start. Perhaps it’s a masterpiece if you have the context. I’m not bothered enough to find out.

But I should say that Ellen Dubin, as Giggerota, certainly gives it her all, playing the part with the kind of gusto that the writing doesn’t really deserve.

The credits are squeezed so we get scenes from the next episode, which features Rutger Hauer. And I’ve just seen on Twitter that he sadly died. I’m so very, very sorry.

This tape then runs on, so there’s a load of stuff from the Sci Fi Channel. There’s a short bit of Bloomberg Technology News about AOL.

Then, an episode of The Hunger, the TV series ‘based’ on the Tony Scott cool vampire movie. This isn’t about cool vampires. It’s actually an anthology series – that seemed to be the norm in the 90s, with so many anthology series hanging hooks on recognisable names. Tales from the Darkside, Amazing Stories, Tales from the Crypt, revamps of Twilight Zone and the Outer Limits, even Friday 13th and Poltergeist had series that I think were basically anthologies, although I never inhaled those.

This show has Terence Stamp, in white jim-jams, as the host, but is otherwise just short stories.

What was I saying about Lexx looking like porn with the porn removed? This story features a woman student who gets a job as a night security guard at a large derelict site. It looks like it might be a horror story, but pretty soon, there’s a couple having sex in the middle of the site, and I’m reminded that this was the porny series. But it does do something scary too.

Not much of a story here, for this episode, I have to say.

There’s another episode after this, which features mega-rich son of a wealthy family Balthazar Getty, playing the mega-rich son of a wealthy family.

Timothy Spall, lecturing about selling cosmetics

and Jamie Foreman, who seems to be playing the Dean Stockwell role from Blue Velvet. I’m not kidding – at one point he’s got an old-style microphone with a light inside it.

He does a very odd act involving sticking swords into a beautiful woman. Don’t try this at home, kids.

This one ends up more porny than the previous episode. And of course the woman dies in the end.

After this, there’s the start of Dominion Tank Police, and the recording ends before that finishes. It sounds awfully like the voice of Jamie Lee Curtis as the Mayor in the opening of this, but she doesn’t show up in iMDb so it’s probably just someone who sounds like her.

In the ad breaks, there’s a Sainsbury’s advert with John Cleese and TV’s Emma Kennedy.

Adverts:

• trail: Babylon 5
• Vauxhall Astra
• McDonalds
• Miller Genuine Draft
• Black Gold
• Sunny Delight
• Fairy Dishwasher
• B2
• trail: Dominion Tank Police
• trail: The Hunger
• Sainsbury’s – John Cleese Emma Kennedy
• Vauxhall Vectra
• Lombard Direct
• DHL
• KFC
• Ace Bleach
• trail: Tomorrow on the Sci Fi Channel
• Microsoft
• Bloomberg Technology News
• Lombard Direct
• Pantene
• BT
• Volvo S40
• trail: Saturday Nights on the Sci Fi Channel
• trail: Demon House
• Oil of Ulay
• Pantene
• Nationwide
• Sainsbury’s – John Cleese Emma Kennedy
• McDonalds
• trail: Red Sonja
• trail: Tomorrow on the Sci Fi Channel
• Red Bull
• Fairy
• trail: Babylon 5
• trail: Dominion Tank Police
• Fairy Non Bio
• KFC
• Lombard Direct
• Bounce – Jilly Goolden
• Pringles
• Fairy Washing Liquid
• The Truman Show in cinemas
• trail: Dark Shadows
• trail: Dominion Tank Police
• trail: Tomorrow on the Sci Fi Channel
• Dulux
• Ariel Alpine
• Fairy Washing Liquid
• trail: October on the Sci Fi Channel
• trail: Lexx
• Coca Cola
• Nationwide
• Whiskas
• KFC
• Bird’s Eye Peas
• Fairy Dishwasher
• trail: Red Sonja

Buffy The Vampire Slayer – Angel – tape 2787

Regular readers will know that this blog has an element of randomness built in.

It arises from the original process of digitising all the tapes, something I started in early 2014. The bulk of my tapes were already stored in large plastic boxes, mostly from when we moved house a few years earlier, and so the digitization process started by taking the first box out of the garage where they’re stored, and picking a tape to start with.

The process was fairly simple. I’d take the next tape out of the box, note its number, and write down what was on the label as the name of the digitised tape along with the tape number.

As time went on, and to make the process smoother, I modified my web-based database of tapes to help with the process, so that when I generated the filename of a tape, it would take the titles from the database, to save me having to retype and possibly make mistakes, as I occasionally did. I’d also often have to add un-numbered tapes to the database, as when we moved, I hadn’t logged every tape. That’s why the tapes at this end of the collection are often in a very strange order, while the earlier tapes tend to be closer to recording order.

And the blog itself, which started simultaneously with the digitisation, could only feature what I’d already digitised, so that order was fixed at the start.

Now that the digitisation has mostly stopped – I haven’t digitised every tape I know about, but simply because I don’t know where a couple of boxes of tapes are – it would be possible for me to start picking which tape to do next. But I decided a while ago that I wouldn’t do that. There are some tapes that I don’t feel particularly excited about, so if I picked what to look at, I’d soon run out of the tapes I’m interested in, and end up with months of watching NYPD Blue and SeaQuest DSV, and nobody wants that.

So, a vaguely random ordering of tapes is what we’re left with, albeit one with a lot of clustering. This current cluster is all from much later tapes, although they still vary by a bit – from 1999 to 2002 if we compare yesterday to today.

All of which is boring background to me saying that, with all that randomness, I’m delighted that this next tape of Buffy and Angel follows directly on from the last tape of them we watched. It’s particularly nice since these are the final episodes in Seasons 5 and 2 respectively.

First, Buffy The Vampire Slayer – The Weight of the World. Glory, the God who’s the big bad of the series, has captured Dawn, knowing that she’s the key.

As a result, Buffy has lapsed into a catatonic state.

There’s a brilliant scene when Spike asks what happens if they find Ben, because they’d all seen him turn into Glory just before she captured Dawn. But there’s some magic that prevents the rest of them remembering this, so Spike has to keep reiterating that Ben is Glory, and they keep completely forgetting.

Willow has to do some magic to try to get through to Buffy. So we get to meet Buffy as a little girl.

We see young Buffy meet Dawn for the first time, as her parents return from hospital. It’s always lovely to see Kristine Sutherland, after the unfortunate event in The Body.

There’s a lot of prophecy. Buffy says that “Death is My Gift.” This is really good foreshadowing, very ominous.

Glory and Ben seem to be fighting for control. Ben helps Dawn escape, but Glory keeps reappearing.

Spike and Xander go looking for some way to beat Glory. They go to Joel Grey, an old Demon they saw in an earlier episode when Dawn tried to bring Joyce back. He claims to know nothing, but turns out to be a Glory worshipper, and Xander stabs him with a sword. But he’s not quite dead.

Glory and Ben are still fighting, but Glory gets Ben on side, and he returns Dawn.

Willow finally reaches Buffy, and when she returns to the Magic shop. Giles tells her that Glory is going to open a dimensional portal using Dawn’s blood, and when that happens, the only way to stop it is to kill dawn. I love the way the stakes are so amped up for this finale. It’s so good.

Following this, an episode of Angel – Through the Looking Glass. RIght at the start, it switches to a random programme, then I get a bit of VHS rollback, so clearly I had a slip of the finger there, but caught it quickly.

In this episode, Cordelia, somehow, has been made ruler of the dimension they’ve travelled to. And she’s enjoying it.

Angel is enjoying this dimension, where he has a reflection.

Angel and Lorne, the Host, go to visit his family, who aren’t happy to see him. This is Lorne’s mother, and the man dancing behind her is Numfar, doing the dance of joy. You can’t really recognize him, but that’s actually Joss Whedon.

Wesley is trying to decipher the ancient texts. Cordelia, it seems will have to mate with something called a Groosalugg. And they don’t trust the priests when they spot that the texts, which are split into three different books, have the symbols of a Wolf, a Ram and a Hart, referring to the evil law firm Wolfram and Hart.

Angel, meanwhile, is welcomed by Lorne’s family because he helped his cousin kill the draken. It’s all going very well, until they want him to kill a rogue cow. Which is what they call humans. It’s Fred, the woman who went missing five years ago at the LA Library.

Cordelia tries to escape but doesn’t get far, and she has to face the coming of the Groosalugg, with whom she will be expected to mate. She has a pleasant surprise when he arrives.

Angel has rescued Fred from being executed. But as they travel, they’re attacked by raiders, and suddenly, Angel goes full-on Demon.

Wesley and Gunn, having escaped the castle without Cordelia, are captured by a roaming band of humans, They don’t treat them any better than anybody else here has treated them.

And when Cordelia tries to stand up to the priests, and make some proclamations, they demonstrate who is in charge.

I remember watching this at the time. This episode was light and frothy, and a useful antidote to the i,pending doom of the Buffy storyline, so when this episode ending with this shot, I was a little upset that they had decided to suddenly go so dark. But as we’ll see in a bit, I should have trusted the showrunners.

After this, recording switches, and we have Buffy The Vampire Slayer – The Gift. Season 5 finale and, certainly at the time this was being produced, it was probably going to be the last ever episode.

It starts off with a brilliant ‘Previously On’ that starts from the very first episode of the show, and goes forward, with the clips getting faster and faster until it’s a blur of images, including some of the most important scenes in the whole show.

Buffy is resolute. She will not kill Dawn, even if it means the end of the world. So they need to plan for never letting the ritual start.

Xander Proposes to Anya.

Spike is brilliant in this episode. He’s in love with Buffy but she’s not interested. They have to go to Buffy’s house to collect weapons, and he’s embarrassed that he has to be invited in. James Marsters is fairly adorable in this whole scene.

Then we get into the final battle, and the beats in this are just perfect. We don’t know the whole plan going in, so each turn can be surprising. First, Willow does some magic to restore Tara’s mind from Glory and throw her off balance, and we get a brief but lovely moment with Tara and Willow reconnecting.

Then Buffy is there to keep Glory off balance, the whole plan making sure that the ritual can’t be started.

Then there’s another twist, as this Buffy is revealed to be the Buffybot.

The real Buffy is right there, though, complete with an enchanted hammer.

Even Xander has his role, hitting Glory with a wrecking ball, turning round Spike’s earlier insult that he was just a glorified bricklayer.

Glory is busy with Buffy and Co, but it’s still not safe for Dawn, who’s tied up on the top of a huge platform. Because enter Joel Grey from the previous episode, just as keen as Glory to start the ritual.

Willow sends Spike up there to help Dawn, but he’s not able to beat Grey, who tosses him off the scaffold. It’s not looking good.

Buffy has Glory on the ropes, until finally, she turns back to Ben. “Tell her it’s over. She missed her shot. She goes. She ever, ever comes near me and mine again.” “We won’t. I swear” And Buffy races off to help Dawn.

Then in comes Giles.

                                 BEN
              She could have killed me.

                                 GILES
              No she couldn't. Never. And sooner or later Glory 
              will re-emerge and make Buffy pay for that mercy. 
              And the world with her. Buffy even knows that, and 
              still she couldn't take a human life. 

              She's a hero, you see. She's not like us.

                                 BEN

              Us?

And Giles kills Ben. Story closure, and another devastating character beat.

But it’s not over, because Joel Grey has cut Dawn and she’s bleeding. Buffy throws him off the platform too, but it’s too late, and the dimensional rift starts opening, causing all manner of scary things to happen. And Buffy knows that the only thing that will stop it is Dawn’s death.

But she realises what the prophecy “Death is your gift” means. She says goodbye to Dawn with the usual inspiring speech, and jumps into the rift herself. I am, of course, a blubbering mess by this time. It wasn’t made any better when we were rewatching this with my daughters recently, that the subsequent season would replay this moment frequently in the ‘Previously on’ and I’d start tearing up just at that. I love this show so much.

And let’s just take a moment to remember that, when this was coming up on Sky One, their trailers for the final episode actually ended with this, the final episode of the series. Trailers. Sky One just hate TV.

Here’s the offending trailer. Literally the whole end of the episode. Shocking.

Next, Angel – There’s No Place Like Plrtz Glrb. Last week’s cliffhanger, as I mentioned, had been the shocking death of a regular character. Something Angel has history with. So after the emotional wringer of the Buffy finale, I wasn’t sure I could take any more pain and loss.

But Lorne isn’t dead (yet). He’ll only die of his body is mutilated after his head is cut off. So they have to get to his body before it’s mutilated.

The evil priests happen to use one of the exploding collars, so that we in the audience understand how dangerous they are.

There’s also a big hand-shaped switch that will set off the collars of every single human, killing them all.

Wesley and Gunn aren’t doing well with the humans who have captured them. But when their execution is interrupted by an attack from the evil priests’ soldiers, and Wes and Gunn help out in the fight, they are forgiven.

Angel and Fred are bonding, now he’s stopped being that vicious demon. She knows how to summon portals, but she can’t tell where they’re going to be. So there’s a chance they might all get home.

Cordy goes to find Lorne’s body, and discovers that the Groosalugg has rescued it, and sent it off to Lorne’s family.

Angle thinks he has to fight and kill the Groosalugg, because of prophecy. Cordy sees a vision that suggests Angel might kill the Groosalugg, but she doesn’t recognise Angel’s new spiky demon face. This whole episode is basically about nobody knowing what the hell is going on.

This fight does cause enough of a distraction for Wesley and Gunn to get into the castle to Cordelia, and just as the evil priest is about to set off all the explosive collars of all the humans, Cordy finally gets her revenge.

Cordelia has to say goodbye to the Groosalugg.

So that’s a nice happy ending and we can all go home happy. But waiting at the hotel is Willow, with some bad news for Angel, and thanks a lot, guys, I’m crying again.

I never loved Angel in the same way I loved (and still love) Buffy, but it was often fun, and I didn’t mind its sillier stories. Contrast is good, not everything has to be epic.

After this, the tape continues for a short while, with the start of The Lost Boys. The tape ends after a few minutes.

Adverts:

• trail: Las Vegas Uncovered
• Ford Fiesta
• Sensodyne F
• McDonalds
• Dettox
• Down to Earth in cinemas
• Blockbuster Video – Charlie’s Angels
• Sensodyne Gentle Whitening
• Dyson
• trail: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
• trail: Return of the Living Dead II
• Sky News
• Royal Mail
• Road Trip on video
• Irn Bru
• Iceland
• Twix
• Road Trip on video
• Ford Galaxy
• trail: Football
• trail: The Sixth Sense
• Sainsbury’s
• B&Q
• Right Guard Xtreme
• The Little Mermaid II on video and DVD
• Ariel
• Lucozade
• Sensodyne Gentle Whitening
• Down to Earth in cinemas
• B&Q
• Jaguar X-Type
• trail: Football
• trail: Buffy & Angel Finale
• Toyota
• Andrex
• Down to Earth in cinemas
• Daily Mail
• trail: Jumpers for Goalposts
• trail: Las Vegas Uncovered
• Ford Galaxy
• McDonalds
• Royal Mail
• Babybel
• Sensodyne Gentle Whitening
• John Smith’s
• Slim-Fast
• Blockbuster Video – Charlie’s Angels
• Alone in the Dark
• trail: Star Wars Day
• trail: Skyjack
• Sky Multi-Room
• KFC
• Ribena Toothkind
• Nat West
• Galaxy Ice Cream
• Tesco
• Orbit
• The Nutty Professor II on video
• Daily Mail
• Bosch
• trail: Buffy & Angel Finale
• trail: Return of the Living Dead II
• Ford Fiesta
• Sainsbury’s – Jamie Oliver
• Clairol Herbal Essences
• Dettox
• Pearl Harbor in cinemas
• Zirtek
• Orbit
• Coca Cola
• trail: Football
• Ariel
• trail: Boot Camp
• Sky News
• Ford Mondeo
• Somerfield
• Irn Bru
• Down to Earth in cinemas
• Finish
• Kit Kat
• B&Q
• Ralph
• trail: Rugby
• Iams
• Jaguar X-Type
• Robinson’s Fruit & Barley
• Dulux
• Batchelors Super Noodles
• Yellow Pages
• Iams
• trail: Kevin & Perry Go Large
• trail: Angel
• VW Passat
• Matalan
• Gillette Venus
• Finish
• AOL
• Clarityn
• Down to Earth in cinemas
• Haven
• B&Q
• trail: The Abyss Special Edition
• trail: Dark Angel
• Thomas Cook
• Fairy Non Bio
• BT
• Right Guard Xtreme
• trail: Sunday on Sky One
• Ford Mondeo
• Scotland
• Direct Line
• Charmin
• John Smith’s
• Columbia Tristar DVDs
• Coca Cola
• trail: The Perfect Storm
• Bold
• Road Trip on video
• Courts
• Citroen Xsara Picasso
• Orbit
• Andrex
• Evian – Babies
• Ambrosia Splat
• Direct Line
• Road Trip on video
• Bold
• trail: Dogma
• trail: The Lost Boys
• Sainsbury’s – Jamie Oliver
• Holsten Pils – Ray Winstone
• Jaguar X-Type
• Immac
• Aero – Mark Benton
• Specsavers
• BT
• trail: Football
• Castlemaine XXXX
• Wilkinson Sword
• Coppenrath & Wiese
• Johnson’s Baby Oil
• trail: Las Vegas Uncovered

Censored: The Last Days of the Board – Boogie Nights in Suburbia – Censored – tape 2786

Here’s a tape of programmes from a Channel 4 weekend of programmes, Censored.  It comes with introductions from Mr Exorcist himself, the good Doctor Mark Kermode. Sure enough, he mentions the incoming BBFC chief censor passing the Exorcist on video within the first minute.

It’s narrated by producer Stephen Woolley, a man who has had his run-ins with the board in his time.

There’s some nice shots of the West End, including the Warner West End.

Plus a glimpse of Ed’s Diner in Soho – don’t look for it now, it’s not there any more. I used to eat there every Saturday, when I’d travel up to London for the day, and watch movies, go to the occasional Play or Opera, buy lots of books and comics, and basically spend my twenties as a textbook nerd. Ed’s Diner was also the first place I took my future wife – before we were even properly going out, sort of a stealth date.

The next programme is Boogie Nights in Suburbia, following some British producers of domestic porn. Here’s Mark Kermode’s introduction.

This is a little creepy, to be honest. It does contain an appearance from ‘Ben Dover’, who is actually the father of Tyger Drew-Honey off of Outnumbered.

After this (which I didn’t watch all the way through, as it was just a bit creepy and misogynistic) we switch to the next day, and a studio discussion about what’s acceptable on film and video, Censored. It’s hosted by Mariella Frostrup.

Taking part in the discussion are writer Tom Dewe Matthews, who wrote several books about censorship.

Guy Phelps, from the ITC.

Corinne Sweet, a counsellor who works with victims of violence.

A A Gill – here credited as Adrian Gill, presumably before he realised the initials granted him a faux layer of authority.

John Beyer, director of the National Viewers and Listeners Association, presumably because Mary Whitehouse was dead. No, I just checked and she died in 2001, but might have retired by now.

The films they discuss include Natural Born Killers, which was new and shocking at the time, but now seems almost quaint. Almost as if the moral panic is seemed to engender was entirely a confection of the film’s marketing. Almost.

Straw Dogs, a film I have never seen, and given its reputation, one I might never see. Maybe if it had been available when I was much younger, and watching a lot of horror, but even then, I do prefer a little escapism in movies, so perhaps not.

One interesting thing to notice is that this programme is presented in letterbox format, and yet for the clips of Straw Dogs, they are shown full frame 4:3. I had assumed the whole programme was formatted for 16:9 – this was the time when Channel 4 in particular were experimenting with widescreen broadcasting – but in this case it looks like the framing is purely arbitrary.

The next film under discussion is The Exorcist.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Pulp Fiction is discussed, about drugs more than violence.

A discussion that continues with Trainspotting.

The discussion turns to sex, with Ai No Corrida

and Emmanuelle, recently shown on Channel 5.

After this programme, there’s another short piece, Eyes Wide Open, presented by Mark Kermode, asking whether a national body for censoring films and videos is even something that makes sense today. There’s a strange jump on my recording just after the titles, where it looked like I lost a few seconds of the introduction. Don’t know what heppened there. In the YouTube upload, I’ve cut a couple of very short scenes from a porn movie and I Spit on your Grave, as they’re not necessary for the argument and I didn’t feel comfortable including them, even given the context. Apologies for the irony.

After this, Mark Kermode returns to introduce Abel Ferrara’s Bad Lieutenant.

Then the recording stops, and underneath, there’s about half an hour of Evil Dead II, one of my favourite films.

Then, just as the tape is ending, that recording stops, and underneath there’s some pop video from The Levellers on Sky one. The tape ends very soon after this.

Adverts:

• trail: To The Ends of the Earth: Return to the Valley of the Kings
• Ford Escort
• Kenco
• British Gas
• Direct Debit
• Aussie
• Andrex
• Patak’s
• trail: Shanghai Vice
• trail: Cutting Edge: Boot Camp
• Ford Fiesta
• RoC
• BT
• Lloyd’s TSB
• Alfa Romeo Cuore Sportivo
• L’Oreal Visible Lift
• Jackie Brown on video
• Garnier Movida
• One 2 One
• trail: The Coroner
• Mitsubishi
• Amoy
• Boots Opticians
• Homepride Potato Bake
• Chocolate Moose
• Knorr Taste Breaks
• trail: Cutting Edge: Boot Camp
• Audi
• KLM
• Uncle Ben’s
• B2
• Vodafone
• Adidas
• Citroen Saxo
• Motorola
• Emirates
• Mastercard
• Tic Tac
• BT
• Citroen Saxo
• Levis
• HSBC
• Rice Krispies Chocolate Squares
• HSBC
• Citroen Xsara
• Levis
• Apple iMac
• Carlsberg Export
• Ford Fiesta
• Walker’s Max
• The Times
• Adidas
• trail: Queer as Folk
• Film Four
• Audi
• The Times
• Motorola
• Babylon 5 River of Souls on video
• Halifax
• Territorial Army
• John Smith’s
• Apple iMac
• trail: Kama Sutra
• trail: The Coroner
• Renault Clio
• FSA
• Intel Pentium III
• Specsavers
• Carlsberg Export
• Mars
• AOL
• L’Oreal Feria
• Renault Clio
• trail: Shanghai Vice
• Apple iMac
• Orange
• Levis
• Clairol Herbal Essences
• Jackie Brown on video
• Rice Krispies Chocolate Squares
• Ford Fiesta
• Tunes
• Friends chatline
• Orange
• Patak’s
• Ford Mondeo
• Chatback
• Lion Bar
• Dr Pepper
• Dr Dolittle in cinemas
• Guinness

24 – Room 101 – A Family Thing – tape 2754

This tape opens with more from BBC Choice, with a trailer for Japanorama.

Then, 24 – S1: 3:00 pm-4:00 pm. Even with the first series, I had an ambivalent relationship with this show, even in the first series. I think it was the amnesia section, when it seemed like the regular writers had taken a holiday, and the work experience lad was writing them.

I can’t really keep the story straight, but Kiefer Sutherland’s Jack Bauer has linked himself and David Palmer with an old mission where they killed someone called Victor Drazen, and now they are being targeted by someone close to him. We already know it’s Andre and Alexis Drazen. What they don’t know is that one of David Palmer’s staff, Elizabeth Nash, is having an affair with Alexis, but she doesn’t know who he is.

One of my favourite 24 characters is Aaron Pierce, played by Glenn Morshower. He became a more central character in later series, particularly season 5, but I like that he’s one of the few characters without a side.

He shows the staff pictures of the Drazens, and the staffer who is seeing him, Elizabeth Nash, starts acting cagey.

Jack’s wife Teri and daughter Kim are in a safe house, being debriefed by Nina Myers. I can’t remember if we know yet about Nina’s allegiances. The atmosphere is frosty, because Teri knows that Jack slept with Nina.

Milo helps Jack when he finds his access privileges to the servers restricted. I never liked Milo – perhaps because he was taking up Chloe’s space – but I’m afraid it’s just because I don’t like his face.

Oh God, here it is. Teri and Kim escape from the safe house when it’s attacked by bad guys. Teri stops the car to get out and see if they are being followed, and the car skips down a (fairly small) slope, and explodes. This is the shock that gives Teri amnesia. I do remember snorting when this happened, and it’s not improved, especially when it comes moments after the ridiculous exploding car.

BBC Genome: BBC Choice – 16th June 2002 – 22:45

After this, a clue that I was now recording from a Sky digibox.

Then, Room 101 – Michael Grade. This is an infamous episode because he starts by putting Doctor Who into Room 101.

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 16th June 2002 – 23:30

After this, there a trailer for World Cup 2002 and The Kumars at No 42.

Then, A Family Thing, a movie starring Robert Duvall. I confess I only watched the first ten minutes of it, but the whole movie is here.

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 16th June 2002 – 00:00

After this, a trail for my old place of work, BBCi (formerly BBC Online, latterly BBC New Media, more latterly BBC Future Media, and since I left in 2013, it’s probably had two more name changes).

There’s also a trailer for Pride and Prejudice. And one for the next two episodes of 24.

Then, BBC2 lapses into Pages from Ceefax.

Then, the Learning Zone starts with BBC Bitesize, during which the tape runs out.

Enterprise – Liquid News Oscar Special – tape 2794

You wait ages for a Star Trek prequel series, and then two come along at once. But we’re into a big block of tapes from very late in my collection, so that’s to be expected.

So, Enterprise – Dear Doctor.

First, since I didn’t mention it yesterday, let’s talk about the titles. The theme song is one of those universally unpopular elements for the show. Very few people like it. It’s not to my taste either, although it does remind me of Star Cops, which is never a bad thing.

But the titles themselves are great, and since I’m watching this episode just before the 50th anniversary of the first Moon Landing, I have to admit that these titles are having a slightly heightened emotional effect on me today.

The episode is concentrating on Doctor Phlox. It’s a bit of a slice of life to start with. He even attends a movie with another crewmember (who’s clearly got the hots for him) but he says his culture doesn’t have movies. “We had something similar a few hundred years ago, but they lost their appeal when people discovered their real lives were more interesting.” This is possibly the stupidest line of dialogue I’ve ever heard in a science fiction story.

The main story is about a race of people who are all gradually dying out from a disease. Phlox investigates, and finds that their planet has two primary species, the Valakians, who are dying, and the Menk, a lesser, subservient race, who are unaffected. Phlox discovers that the Valakians don’t have a disease, they have a genetic disorder – their genetic sequence is breaking down.

One of the Valakians asks Archer for warp drive, so they can send ships off-planet to search for help for their condition. So the episode becomes a meditation on whether it’s right to interfere – Archer even talks about there one day being a ‘directive’ that would guide him – this series likes to show how the structures of Starfleet and the Federation were put together.

After this, it’s over to BBC Choice, the fondly remembered precursor to BBC Three for a Liquid News Oscar Special. Now, this show was really the TV version of things like Heat magazine. The non-oscar bits of this are all the usual showbiz gossip – a member of So-Solid Crew found guilty of possession of a firearm, and the hints that Britney Spears might have split up with Justin Timberlake, and an oddly restricted view for the BBC’s reporter at the premiere of Britney’s movie Crossroads.

Liquid News was the kind of programme I would avoid like the plague, except that it was presented by Christopher Price, who was really good at this kind of thing. He died very young, before his career really took off, as I’m pretty sure it would have.

BBC Genome: BBC Choice – 25th March 2002 – 23:30

After this, recording continues with a trailer for Eastenders Revealed.

Then, an episode of Stupid Punts, a celebrity panel show, presented by Patrick Kielty. Notable mostly for the experience of Jilly Goolden saying Fuck rather a lot.

One of the bets involves David Copperfield, off of Three of a Kind asking people in a shopping centre if they recognised him.

BBC Genome: BBC Choice – 26th March 2002 – 00:30

After this, there’s a trailer for Road Flower.

Then, an episode of Rich Hall’s Badly Funded Think Tank. It’s not bad, and it’s interesting that it’s seven months after September 11th, and that’s still the dominant talking point here.

BBC Genome: BBC Choice – 26th March 2002 – 00:30

There’s a trailer for The Man in the Iron Mask.

Then, an episode of Robot Wars. This ought to be the kind of thing I’d like, but I confess I rarely watched it. It’s all a bit laddish, and doesn’t really talk about the skill needed to build the robots. I prefer The Great Egg Race, which at least has a team with women in it.

BBC Genome: BBC Choice – 26th March 2002 – 01:00

There’s another trail for Eastenders Revealed.

Then, an episode of Come Fly With Me. Not the Walliams and Lucas comedy show, but some sort of game show about a holiday. At this stage of the evening, I’m now heavily fatigued by all the BBC Choiceiness, so much fast tempo music, rapid fire graphics and presenters who shout a lot. This episode is signed.

BBC Genome: BBC Choice – 26th March 2002 – 01:45

After this, there’s a trailer for Sex Warts ‘n All. Then BBC Choice closes down.

Adverts:

• trail: Alias
• Ford Mondeo
• Pantene
• McDonalds
• Ferrero Rocher
• The Sims
• Olay
• Homebase
• Canon
• trail: Formula 1
• trail: Nurse Betty
• Volvo C70
• Apple iMac
• Adidas
• Mecca Bingo
• ET in cinemas
• Dettol Floor Wipes
• XBox
• Sky News
• trail: Buffy Meets Blackwood
• trail: Easter Buffy
• Andrex
• Intel Pentium 4
• Evian
• Playstation 2
• trail: Joan of Arc
• Fairy Washing Liquid
• Sainsbury’s
• Sky Introduce a Friend

Enterprise – Smack The Pony – Thumb Bandits – tape 2752

This tape opens with the end of an episode of The Simpsons.

Then, we have Enterprise – Broken Bow. This is the two-part series opener of a series that I never really clicked with. In truth, I only truly love The Next Generation, and all the rest of the shows tend to pale in comparison. But let’s see how this goes.

It opens with a young Jonathan Archer talking to his father about how the Vulcans have been holding the people of Earth back from truly going to space which the young Jonathan paints a model spacecraft.

Cut to 30 years later and some strange looking aliens are chasing a Klingon through the cornfields of Oklahoma. They’re weird and can squash through the small gap into a grain silo.

The Klingon escapes and blows up the silo. Then the farmer turns up, and this being America, he shoots the Klingon in the chest.

Captain Jonathan Archer is getting ready for the inaugural flight of the Enterprise when he’s summoned back to Starfleet Medical, where the injured Klingon is being treated. The Vulcans want to terminate his life support, arguing that Klingons like to die in battle, so he would be ashamed. Archer argues that it’s immoral, and notes that the Vulcans seem to be using this as another excuse to delay the flight of the Enterprise. I like that Archer is immediately being positioned as a moral centre.

The now obligatory Spacedock scene.

We get to meet the crew mostly as the story progresses. Science Officer is T-Pol, played by Jolene Blalock, a Vulcan, possibly there as a spy.

There’s an appearance by Warp Drive inventor Zefram Cochrane, presumably still played by James Cromwell, but we never get a close-up.

One of the squishy aliens is talking to a shady hologram about whatever their plan is, and the Klingon. I think this one is played by John Fleck, off of Murder One. But it’s hard to tell. Their race is the Suliban.

John Billingsley plays Dr Phlox. He’s a bit in the mould of Neelix, but with the more annoying edges filed off. I like the simple bit of VFX here to emphasize his alienness.

Linda Park plays expert translator Hoshi Sato.

The injured Klingon is captured when some Suliban come aboard the ship. They seem to be able to turn invisible.

Their search for the Klingon takes them to a planet. Obviously, the first place they go is some kind of Alien strip joint. This is a weirdly leery scene.

Talking of leery, when returning from the planet, T’Pol and ‘Trip’ Tucker (the most boring of the regular crew) have to smear each other with decontaminating gel in a scene that feels just a few steps from full-on HBO nudity. I can’t believe this scene was anything other than a ‘can the hot girl take her clothes off’ studio note.

There’s a lot of running around rescuing Klingons, and Archer has a fight with the leader of the Suliban, who appear to be trying to destabilise galactic politics, and there’s a nice ending to the scene when Archer is saved by the first use of the transporters on a human being. His reaction is great. Pity he didn’t say “Oh boy!”

On the whole, I enjoyed this opening episode. I like the idea of the Vulcans being slightly controlling, possibly even hostile to the humans, and the cast is fine. The effects, all CGI these days, I think, look fine too.

After this, recording switches to Channel 4, and an episode of Smack the Pony. It’s been recorded in anamorphic widescreen, something that I only started doing quite late on, presumably that was the point at which I finally bought my first widescreen TV.

Did you know Miranda Hart appeared in a few episodes?

There’s a second episode following this.

After this, recording switches, still on Channel 4, and a programme that wasn’t listed in my database. It’s an episode of Thumb Bandits, the videogame review programme, hosted by Iain Lee

and Aleks Krotoski.

This is a lot of fun, the games focus helps, and it’s not as pretentious as The Net could be. Lets see how much of it survives YouTube’s content ID. The section about games music, featuring Orbital, might cause problems.

After this, there’s the start of Kentucky Fried Movie. The tape ends during this.

In the ad breaks, there’s a Nokia ad about TV on your phone.

Adverts:

• trail: Extreme Witness
• Audi A4 Avant
• trail: Patriot Games
• trail: Celebrities Behaving Badly
• Sky Plus
• Renault Laguna
• Walt Disney Studios
• RAC
• Daz – Julian Clary
• Fixodent
• Asda
• Cahoot
• trail: Sky Sports
• trail: Temptation Island
• trail: Vertical Limit
• Fiat Punto
• Clean & Clear
• Walt Disney World
• Danone Activ
• Paramount Comedy Channel
• Orbit
• Rock Star in cinemas
• Dove
• Fiat Punto
• trail: Scrubs
• trail: U-571
• Ford Fiesta
• BT
• Black Hawk Down in cinemas
• Bourjois
• Beechams Flu Plus
• Standard Life
• Royal Air Force
• trail: Football
• trail: Dark Angel
• trail: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Mini
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• Bounty
• Soul Survivors in cinemas
• Tesco Credit Card
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• Creme Eggs
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• trail: New Year on Sky Movies
• trail: Alias
• trail: Extreme Witness
• trail: The Way of the Gun
• Sainsbury’s – Jamie Oliver
• Audi A4 Avant
• Sensodyne Gentle Whitening
• Regaine
• Long Time Dead in cinemas
• Atrixo
• BT
• trail: Eye of the Beholder
• Daily Mail
• Airwaves
• Fiat Stilo
• Die Hard on DVD
• Nokia
• Gosford Park in cinemas
• trail: So Graham Norton
• VW Polo
• KFC
• Wipeout Fusion
• Heat – Lisa Tarbuck
• Morgan Stanley
• Lindt
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• KFC
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• Mercedes
• Cadbury’s High Lights
• National Lottery – Justin Lee Collins
• Freschetta
• Nivea Visage
• Pledge Wet Wipes
• Thera-Med
• DWP Pension Guide
• Burger King
• Brita
• trail: The Double Life of Jonathan King
• trail: Because You’re Worth It
• American Express
• Toyota Corolla
• Snack-a-Jacks
• Kool’n’Soothe
• Always Ultra
• Army
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• Wood for Good
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• trail: The Estate Agents
• Ford Focus
• Oxo – Tony Gardner
• Film Four
• Mazda
• Daily Mail
• Freeserve
• Gaviscon
• Nicorette

Jonathan Creek – The Nearly Complete And Utter History of Everything – Behind The Camera – The Awful Truth – Robbie Williams – It Ain’t Half Hot Mum – tape 2454

We’re right on the turn of the Millennium for this tape. It starts with a trailer for Clocking Off.

Then, Jonathan Creek – The Three Gamblers. It opens in a dark and stormy night. Three people arrive at a remote house, to get instructions on doing a drug deal. They’re meeting a rather scary looking man.

One of the three is Nina Sosanya.

The meeting goes awry, and the scary guy is killed by one of the three, shot in the head several times, thrown down the cellar, cellar door locked and key thrown into the swelling river.

It’s Jonathan’s birthday, and Maddy has got him a copy of Ricky Jay’s Cards as Weapons.

For his birthday treat they go to a small magic club, where Hattie Hayridge performs a trick with a Banana.

Nina Sosanya comes to Jonathan asking for help. After the events at the house, they went on their drug deal, got busted by police, and one of their number was killed. Her boyfriend Floyd is convinced that the man they killed is an undead zombie hunting them for revenge. So returning to the UK, they go to the police, confess all about the murder, and go back to the house to find the body, with detective John Bird.

After breaking down the huge wardrobe blocking the cellar, and opening the door, they find the body of the dead man, which had been at the bottom of the stairs, right at the top.

Jonathan Ross plays himself, hosting Adam Klaus.

Klaus rips off Hattie Hayridge’s act, which isn’t a good idea because she’s in the studio audience.

Investigating the house, they meet a policeman guarding the scene, who looked familiar, especially when he turns out to be part of the drug gang. You might recognise Lee Ingleby as a young thug in an episode of Spaced.

Jonathan uses a card as a weapon.

BBC Genome: BBC One – 2nd January 2000 – 21:15

Recording continues with a trailer for Second Sight featuring my old school friend Clare Skinner.

There’s also a trailer for Vets in the Wild which is slightly odd, because only yesterday I was watching an episode of Pointless featuring both vets from this show. Just another example of the seemingly unlikely coincidences, and slightly less upsetting than the death curse.

There’s a special Millennium ident for themed shows.

Plus the BBC One balloon over the dome.

And the next programme is part one of The Nearly Complete And Utter History of Everything. This is a collection of historical themed sketches, featuring a genuinely astonishing cast list. For example, there’s a reworking of the classic ‘Class’ sketch from The Frost Report, featuring Stephen Fry, Ronnie Corbett, and a rare appearance during his retirement by Ronnie Barker.

It’s presented by Angus Deayton.

It’s not a bad show, a mixed bag like a lot of sketch shows. Victoria Wood’s sketch, with Thora Hird is particularly good. But in the end, it’s mostly a compilation show. I had to cut out a Harry Enfield sketch from this upload, by the way.

BBC Genome: BBC One – 2nd January 2000 – 22:10

After this, recording switches and there’s a trailer for Murder Rooms.

Then, Behind The Camera – Billy Williams, a short look at the career of cinematographer Billy Williams. Featuring Ken Russell.

Williams himself.

John Schlesinger

Alan Parker

BBC Genome: BBC Two – 3rd January 2000 – 00:10

After this, recording continues very briefly with the start of Women in Love.

Then it switches to Channel 4 for The Awful Truth. This is basically TV Nation but on Channel 4. And instead of doing the links in Times Square, he’s in an auditorium. It’s a bit more like a Mark Thomas show.

There’s a piece where he gets a couple of American Muslims to try to inspect US weapons of mass destruction.

The usual ridiculous poll answers.

A sketch about the Make a Wish foundation, and a little girl who wants to dress up in a KKK costume and burn a cross. I’m not sure of the satirical purpose of this sketch.

There’s a piece about finding a new man for Hillary Clinton, in which he takes advice from that noted left wing voice Roseanne.

After this, back to BBC1 for part two of The Nearly Complete And Utter History of Everything. Including, as the first sketch, the French and Saunders Millennium Dome sketch featuring Joan Bakewell.

BBC Genome: BBC One – 4th January 2000 – 22:20

After this, the recording continues, with a trailer for BBC Comedy featuring another all-star cast.

Next there’s a programme that isn’t really the kind of thing I’d record at the time. It’s Robbie Williams – It Ain’t Half Hot Mum, following Robbie Williams in America. I wonder if this is genuinely his flat, or if it’s set dressing. I can’t make out the DVD (or CD).

I’m assuming it’s genuine. There’s a bit later where he’s doing an appearance on a kid’s TV show, and he’s doing Yoda and Alec Guinness impressions.

BBC Genome: BBC One – 4th January 2000 – 23:00

There’s a trailer for the ultimately disappointing Gormenghast and for Second Sight.

Then, David Braine tells us how the weather is going.

After the weather there’s a trailer for Soldiers to Be and one for The League of Gentlemen.

Then the tape runs out with the beginning of Weird Science. I don’t think I’ve got this one in full in my collection, so I don’t have to subject myself to it. But it’s weird flipping through it

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