Firs on this tape, episode one of Malcolm Bradbury’s adaptation of Tom Sharpe’s comic novel Porterhouse Blue.
David Jason stars as Scullion, the head porter at the tradition-bound college Porterhouse.
The old master is dying, and he fails to name a successor before he dies.
As a result, the government appoints their own selection, a former student, Sir Godber Evans, played by Ian Richardson.
He’s disgusted that the college’s excess is still unchanged. Serving swan for dinner, and not allowing women to dine with the masters.
He makes a pompous speech about modernising the college, to Scullion’s horror. It includes the line “Not with its eyes fixed on the day after yesterday, but on the day before tomorrow”
In a separate strand, John Sessions plays the uptight student Zipser. He’s a rare intellectual at Porterhouse (at least he considers himself an intellectual). He goes to a strange lecture that’s supposed to be progressive and feminist, but whose speaker thanks the college for their support in helping to ‘sterilise the people of my country’. Extremely strange.
Later, in a conversation with some other female students (obviously from a different college) one of them earnestly tells Zipser that it’s very important to put an end to sex, and that all men should have vasectomies. I presume this is Tom Sharpe’s comedy view of feminism. Or possibly Malcolm Bradbury’s.
Scullion’s assistant porter is played by Bob Goody, who was once Mel Smith’s double-act partner.
For some reason, I don’t have episode 2 here. And Episode 3 is also on another tape that I looked at a long time ago.
It features another of Mel Smith’s double-act partners, Griff Rhys Jones as an investigative TV reporter.
And the always watchable Charles Gray as another college bigwig.
And the sight of David Jason trying to pop a lot of gas filled condoms is vaguely amusing.
Zipser and his bedder dies when the chimney he filled with gas-filled condoms ignites when she lights his fire. His fellow students couldn’t resist a last dig at him.
Next it’s the final episode.
Godber’s wife, Lady Mary, insists that the college must be made co-educational. And Godber says that they should reduce the number of staff, including getting rid of Scullion, and selling off his house, and the houses of other staff.
But Scullion has an edge, as he has the names of all the students whom he helped to cheat at their exams – Scullion Scholars. And he also has a box of shares given to him by a former master which the bank values at half a million pounds.
And Griff Rhys Jones offers to have Scullion on his programme to interview him about his being sacked. It goes a bit wrong, as Scullion can’t help lapsing into ranting about ‘poofters’. Also, they let him smoke on TV, unthinkable now.
The Master refuses to consider letting Scullion return, and he dissolves the college council. So the fellows approach Charles Gray at a private party, while he’s dressed as a nazi. They threaten to out him as having paid for someone to take his exams.
Scullion takes his shares to the Master begging for his job back, and in the least convincing bit of jostling I’ve ever seen, knocks the Master down, and a picture falls on his head. injuring him badly.
Two of the fellows find him on the steps of the college, unable to speak clearly, and his last word is “Scullion”. So, by the ancient rules of the college, that means Scullion is the new Master of the college. And in a final irony, he suffers a stroke, euphemistically known as a Porterhouse Blue, and the last image is of Scullion being fed by the fellows. “He may not have been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but by God he’ll die with one.”
After this, the recording stops, and underneath, there’s part of an episode of the Oprah Whinfrey Show. It’s a strange piece about a woman who was stabbed by an ex-con, and he’s talking to the show on video.
The tape ends during this programme.
In the adverts, there’s a British Gas Advert with Nicholas Lyndhurst.
I mention it only because there’s a ‘blink and you’ll miss him’ appearance from actor and magic expert Andy Nyman.
Andy helpfully confirmed it was him on Twitter.
Adverts:
- Plax
- trail: Tomorrow on Four
- Cooperative Bank
- Renault 19
- Scottish Widows
- Direct Debit
- British Gas
- Consenting Adults in cinemas
- Yellow Pages
- Cooperative Bank
- Network Q
- Thomson
- Nestle Clusters
- Glade Plug Ins
- Nat West
- Network Q
- Ford Mondeo
- Quality Street
- Timotei
- Sun Progress
- Pizza Hut
- Jordans Country Crisp
- Vanish
- Bass
- Vauxhall Carlton
- Hellmann’s
- National Savings
- Corn Flakes
- Cathay Pacific
- Walker’s Crisps
- trail: The Beiderbecke Affair
- Peugeot 405
- Ariel Color
- Max Factor
- Butlin’s Holiday Worlds
- Quorn
- Donor Card
- Bird’s Eye Country Club Cuisine
- Cadbury’s Chocolate Break
- Tampax
- Hermesetas
- Oil of Ulay
- Nike Air Max – Sergey Bubka
VHiStory 
Friend to the stars! Well done!
I first saw Porterhouse Blue last year. If you think the jostling that gets Richardson is feeble, consider the end of part 1, where Sessions barely touches Jason but he next week bears an enormous scarlet bruise, which fades well.
Also one of Sessions’ fellow students is Miles “yes relation” Richardson.