Horizon – Peep Show – When Comedy Changed Forever – 07 Mar 2006

The first recording today is an edited one, it’s Horizon – The Big Chill. It asks whether Britain’s climate might, in future, become more like Alaska I’m not sure my confidence is very high when this is the first caption – Faeroe Islands. Maybe this is the islands that the Faerie folk live on, rather than the Faroe Islands to the north of Scotland.

Professor Richard Alley looks at ice cores that show a record of temperatures over centuries. I’m fairly sure he’s played by Paul Kaye.

I’m not sure if this is from a movie, or SFX done for the show.

It’s all very depressing.

Media Centre Description: Documentary series looks at how Britain could be heading towards an Alaskan-type climate as scientists believe that the Gulf Stream, which keeps temperatures unusually high for such a northerly latitude, is gradually being cut off.

BBC Genome: BBC Two England – Tuesday 7th March 2006 – 11:10

The next recording is a repeat of an episode of Peep Show – Sectioning.

Media Centre Description: Comedy series about two socially dysfunctional losers who share a south London flat. Merry, an eccentric old friend from university, returns and offers Jeremy the chance to manage a pub. Jeremy invites Super Hans to join him as a business partner, but Super Hans refuses to serve beer. Mark and Sophie are beginning to go steady when Sophie is moved away from London by her work.

Recorded from E4 on Wednesday 08 March 2006 00:03

This is followed by the start of an episode of The O.C.

The last recording today starts with the end of an episode of Twisted Tales. It looks weird.

There’s a trailer for Dog Borstal and one for Ideal.

Lastly today, another documentary, but hopefully less depressing. It’s When Comedy Changed Forever. It starts by citing Vic Reeves Big Night Out as a seminal moment in Comedy, but it does look back before that to see where Vic and Bob might have been influenced. Roy Walker talks about the culture of stand-up in working men’s clubs.

Bruce Dessau talks about comedy in the 70s, and how mainstream it was. “The most alternative you would have got would have been something like Fawlty Towers.”

Jonathan Ross is billed as a ‘Comedy Mogul’ here, which isn’t far from the truth, given that he featured a lot of performers on his shows before they got their own shows. Including Vic & Bob. He talks about the experience as a child in the 70s. “As a kid you would watch stuff which nowadays no child would sit and endure, but you would watch it because it was a moving picture with sound on the television and there was no other alternative.” At which point they show a short clip of The Goodies, which seems a) very rude to The Goodies and b) makes me wonder why The Goodies isn’t considered alternative – it’s a lot more alternative than Fawlty Towers.

Matt Lucas eats Haribo and tells of how he used to watch The Good Life. Surely it’s a deliberate decision to have the naked fat suit right next to him.

Vic & Bob talk about watching Monty Python.

Simon Day: “Jimmy Tarbuck, in my opinion, is not a funny bloke. He just looks like a bloke who tells jokes, and he’s got away with it.”

Alexei Sayle talks about the old-school comedians, some of whom he met in the early days. “They would never talk about themselves, or their emotions, they’d just talk to each other in gags, back and forth.”

Danny Kelly likens the comedy scene of the early 70s to Progressive Rock. “It had to be stopped, but it wasn’t as terrible as we now make out.”

Bill Oddie defends the 70s. “Oh there’s plenty of crap. Of course there is. Yeah. But then, you know, all the interesting eras have. I I just think the 70s had more good, interesting stuff. When you filter it all out, I think it was a great time.”

I did like the bit when they made Bernard Manning watch some modern comedy, like The Mighty Boosh. He wasn’t a fan.

The programme reaches the 80s, so there’s footage of the police attacking striking miners, and on the other side, the financial markets. There’s a brief cutaway to a man on the phone in an office and they’ve dubbed on, quite quietly, a telephone voice saying “I’m making a lot of money.”

Alexei Sayle talks about the time Lennie Bennett came to the Comedy Store, and did a set, and “died on his arse.” He told the audience “You might have gonged me off, but I’m going home in a Rolls Royce, you’re going home on a fucking bus.”

Johnny Vegas talks about the Young Ones. “You reach that age when you feel like comedy is being made for you.”

Ash Atalla talks about the anarchy and the energy of the Young Ones.

Leigh Francis was an admirer of Harry Enfield.

Ninia Benjamin appreciated French and Saunders.

Andrew Collins talks about the effect ‘political correctness’  had on the old school comedians. For my younger readers, ‘politically correct’ was what we said instead of ‘woke’ in the 80s.

Avalon supremo Jon Thoday (typo in caption) looks like he’s doing publicity for a Bond.

The alternative inevitably becomes mainstream, illustrated by Ben Elton standing in for Terry Wogan, and having a cosy interview with Jeffrey Archer.

Finally the programme gets to Vic and Bob. Matt Lucas tells the story of how he thought the show was terrible, and wrote a letter to Channel 4 complaining. And by the third episode he was hooked.

Andrew Collins talks about the 90s politics, how the tories were ‘boring’ under John Major, and brought down by a bit of sleaze. Remember how scandals could actually derail a career, at least for a bit of time. I miss those days.

Other shows which had a debt to Vic and Bob include The Royle Family, as Caroline Ahearne had early appearances on their shows. Johnny Vegas talks about how Caroline and Craig Cash held on to control of the shape of the show, despite resistance from TV producers, and by sticking to their guns turned the small, late-night BBC2 sitcom into a huge BBC1 hit.

Here’s the whole thing, minus a small cut as the Royle Family title sequence got blocked.

Media Centre Description: Documentary which explores the story of British comedy from the 1970s to the present day, showing how the work of Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer made possible the journey from old-style acts such as Bernard Manning to contemporary comedic phenomenons like Little Britain.

BBC Genome: BBC Three – Wednesday 8th March 2006 – 02:55

After this, there’s a trailer for Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, then BBC Three closes down.

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Smallville: Superman the Early Years – 06 Mar 2006

The first recording today starts with some Celebrity Big Brother. This was the year of George Galloway.

And Pete Burns.

Then, an episode of Smallville: Superman the Early Years – Facade. This is the third episode in Season 4, so we’re missing an episode. I did rewatch that episode as well, which involved Clark and Lois investigating Chloe’s death, and their discovery that she was still alive, and being protected by Lex so she can testify against Lionel. It also introduced Lois’s father, but I’ll save that surprise.

This episode starts, confusingly, with a flashback to a time early in the show. A girl at the High School is horrendously bullied by the football jocks because of her acne. They call her Scabby Abby. I’m not saying sport poisons everything, but if you believe almost every representation of sports people on US TV shows (that aren’t actually about sports) it would seem to be the case.

Abby’s mother seems to be a literal mad scientist, and we see her giving Abby some horrendous meteor-rock powered treatment so that “Everyone will love you when they see the real you”.

Back in the present day, Clark is playing catch with himself. Lois asks if he’s on the team, he says he’s not. Then Lois’s father arrives. He’s General Sam Lane, who first appeared in the previous episode, helping Lex keep Chloe safe, played by the always reliable Michael Ironside. And he’s there to break some news to Lois. She can’t go to Metropolis University this semester, as they’ve withdrawn her offer, because she didn’t have enough credits to finish High School. So she has to go back to High School to get her credits. Clark’s high school. Clark is overjoyed about this.

Next day, School starts, and Clark meets Abby – who calls herself Abigail now, and has recovered from whatever treatment her mother was giving her. She’s now ‘attractive’ so it’s OK for all the jocks to comment on her, although it’s sad they have Chloe saying “Whoa. Either she spent an entire summer at a silicon farm, or I am shopping at the wrong make-up counter.” Weirdly, in the subtitles, the line says “collagen farm” so I wonder why that was changed. It’s definitely silicon in the dialogue.

Lana finds Jason in the football coach’s office after he left a note in her locker. (He came back from Paris last episode to find out why Lana left so quickly. Lana left because of the thing that happened in the first episode of this season when she acquired a back tattoo.) He’s a former college football star who’s been made assistant coach for the football team. Clark comes in to ask for a try-out on the team, and wonders why Lana is there. Jason says she’s there to give him a guided tour of the school.

Martha tells Jonathan that she’s agreed to manage The Talon for Lex. He’s unhappy that she’s working for Lex, obviously, but he knows she needs something outside of the farm.

After football tryouts, one of the team (Brett, the same one who was bullying Abby in the opening) hits on her, and they sneak into the boys locker room for some smooching. (This scene is quite a bit shorter than the one on the DVD, because it was broadcast at 3pm in the afternoon.) It looks like her Kryptonite-powered makeover might be having some negative effects, so she breaks off. There’s another cut when he comes out to act butthurt that he’s been rejected, but he looks in the mirror, sees something horrible happening to his face, and runs out. In this version we don’t see what he’s seeing at all, making this scene confusing at best.

There’s yet another cut moments later, as Lois is driving and talking on her phone when Bret runs out into the road and hits him with the car. There’s a couple of frames of him hitting the windscreen, otherwise it just cuts to Lois finishing talking to a police officer. I don’t think this show was made for the middle of the afternoon.

Clark takes a look in the locker room and finds Abby’s necklace.

Jonathan is still miffed that Clark tried out for the football team. “The person I’m worried about you hurting, Clark, is yourself. You’re gonna be tempted to run just a little bit faster, to throw the ball just… far enough to win every game.” “You think I’m gonna cheat? I won’t cross that line.” “You won’t even know where that line is, Clark. Come on, think about it. You’re out there, your friends are giving it their all. You’re gonna do whatever it takes to win. That’s football, son. And with you, it’s never gonna be a fair competition.” I think he’s right.

Lana goes to see if the tattoo she acquired in the first episode of the season can be removed. Unfortunately, she goes to see Abigail’s mother. Abigail arrives while they’re having a consultation – privacy is obviously something that happens to other people in Smallville. Lana lets slip that she saw Abigail and Bret, the boy who she was kissing, together in the hall.

Her mother tells her she has to stop Lana telling everyone. So later, when Jason decides to take Lana to the school’s costume store, and blindfold her for some unspecified surprise, Abby takes the opportunity to use her Kiss of Death on Lana.

Once again, we don’t get to see what Lana sees in the mirrors, as this scene is also heavily cut, but she ends up knocking a large mirror onto herself. Where was Jason during all this? We don’t find out.

Lois has also linked Abby’s mother to the events, and goes undercover, as someone who wants surgery. I’m struggling to see why a cosmetic surgeon would look at Lois and think she needed any surgery at all. Her cassette recorder malfunctions, tipping Dr Fine off (yes this character is called Dr Fine too) and before Lois get leave, she injects her with a sedative. Not that you’d know it from this recording. Yes, it’s another daytime cut.

Clark finds a sticky note from Lois at her desk saying she’s going to see Dr Fine, so he arrives in time to free Lois from the apparatus. But it’s all powered by Kryptonite, so he’s weakened enough that Dr Fine can clonk him on the head with a blunt instrument. It’s looking bad, until Lois frees herself from the restraints and kicks Dr Fine in the face. Twice. I love Lois.

Jonathan and Clark have another talk. Clark apologises for disappointing Jonathan, but says he’s staying on the team. Jonathan tells him he understands that Clark is an adult now. “But if you want to be seen as an adult in this family, then you’re gonna have to start acting like one. Adults in this family don’t run off and… do things without discussing them first.” Clark replies “I know. That’s why I have just one question for you. Are you gonna let some assistant coach from Metropolis teach your boy how to play football?” And the age-old tradition of the father-son ball game continues. That’s the second we’ve had recently, after the one in Life on Mars.

Media Centre Description: Drama series following the teenage years of future Superman Clark Kent. Shy high school girl Abigail decides to undergo plastic surgery to improve her looks but her kryptonite-enhanced appearance causes her to harm everyone she kisses.

Recorded from E4 on Monday 06 March 2006 14:58

After this, there’s the start of Switched! Reunion, then the recording ends.

Next, it’s another episode of Smallville: Superman the Early Years – Lexmas. This is a ‘Brand New’ episode as evidenced by the E4 dog in the corner. And it’s a Christmas episode. Lex is spending his Christmas Eve visiting a criminal type, looking for dirt on Jonathan Kent – either real or manufactured, to help his Senate campaign. But as he’s leaving, he’s mugged, and shot. He wakes up in very gauzy bedroom, next to Lana and their young son Alex. Yes, Smallville is doing It’s a Wonderful Lex.

Lex sees his dead mother, who tells him “All of this can be yours if you make the right choices.”

Out looking for a Christmas tree, Lex meets Clark and Chloe. Clark is now a reporter at the Daily Planet. Chloe has a book coming out exposing LuthorCorp, and Lex is the source for a lot of it.

Back in the real world, Chloe needs a favour from Clark. She’s been put in charge of the Toys for Tots scheme, and there’s a lot of toys that need to be delivered, but the teamsters have gone on strike. So she needs Clark to deliver them all. And there’s lots of them.

Clark delivers the presents, which seems to include getting into the houses to put the presents under the tree. I’m not sure the teamsters would have provided that service had they not been on strike.

In one house, a child interrupts him. “You’re not Santa Claus.” Clark puts his Santa hat on and says he is. The kid says “Liar. You can’t be Santa. He is.” and points out of the window at a man in a Santa suit standing on a nearby rooftop, and lurching drunkenly. Clark goes to talk to him to find out why he wants to jump. “Have you had a good look at the world lately? It’s all take, take, take, bitch, bitch, bitch. What happened to Christmas? Peace on earth? Good will to men? I’ll tell you something. The spirit of Christmas is dead. And it’s gonna take a lot more than Santa Claus to revive it.”

Lionel comes to the hospital for Lex. The doctors think he won’t walk again. Lionel demands to be allowed to take Lex to a specialist in Metropolis. “Listen to me. You are going to walk, son.”

Clark tells Santa that he’s given up his Christmas Eve with Lana to help deliver presents, as has Chloe. And that gives Santa back his faith in the Christmas Spirit. Then he accidentally falls off the edge, and Clark has to catch him.

In Lex’s dream, he visits the Kent’s Christmas party. Jonathan is the state Senator. He shows Lex the Humanitarian award Lex is being given. He even gives him a pep talk. “Lex, I never actually thought I’d say this. I couldn’t be prouder of you if you were my own son.” Fatherly Jonathan is my favourite. Decent fathers are surprisingly rare in fiction.

Lana suddenly goes into labour, and has her baby girl. But there were apparently complications, and she’s haemorrhaging, and is rushed into theatre.

Lex goes to Lionel to beg him to help get Lana to Metropolis Hospital. Lionel hasn’t forgiven him for betraying the family, and just refuses. Lana dies, Lex rages to his mother about everyone he loves dying, then he wakes up, with Lionel looking over him.

The Drunk Santa visits Chloe and offers his help delivering the presents. “I am familiar with the job, you know.” Chloe agrees, turn to get the list of addresses for the presents, and when she turns around, Santa is gone, along with all the hundreds of presents. It’s a Christmas miracle.

But has Lex learned valuable lessons about being a good person? Nope. In hospital, he’s visited by the criminal he was visiting at the start of the episode, and Lex tells him “Much like Ebenezer Scrooge, I realised… that what I want more than anything… is to live happily ever after. And do you know what the secret to living happily ever after is? Power. Money… and power. See, once you have those two things, you can secure everything else…” I can’t tell from this if this is what his mother wanted or not. She doesn’t look happy in the closing shot.

Media Centre Description: Drama series following the teenage years of future Superman Clark Kent. Lex is given an envelope containing damaging information that could destroy Jonathan’s life. However, before he decides whether to use it, Lex is shot and falls into a coma.

Recorded from E4 on Monday 06 March 2006 21:00

After this, the recording continues with the start of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.

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Balamory – Postman Pat – Planet Earth – The Sky at Night – 05 Mar 2006

Today’s first recording starts with the end of Tikkabilla. There’s a trailer for Boogie Beebies. Then there’s a segment of The Message Tree – viewers (or rather their parents) send in pictures. If I were Florence I’d be annoyed at them stretching the image. Also, I swear we had that Snow-White dress when the children were tiny, but none of us are certain. We didn’t have the cool helmet, though.

Then, there’s an episode of Balamory. Josie Jump comes to the nursery do organise a ballet for the children. They decide on the story of a fairy who comes to the nursery to dance with people, but nobody’s there, so she brings a toybox of toys to life. They decide to call it “The Balamory Fairy”. Which is weird, since it’s literally the story of The Nutcracker.

Josie visits Spencer to ask him to make the set, to look like a giant toybox.

They need to put the set up in the nursery, but they don’t want to spoil the illusion for the children, so they ask Archie for help. After Archie sings his groovy song, Josie recaps the story so far, Archie uses his keen intellect to invent some curtains out of bedspreads – and yoghurt pots, of course.

The ballet (using the actual music from The Nutcracker) is a great success.

Balamory Ghostwatch Update: Spotted in the end credits.

Media Centre Description: Live action series for preschool children based around the small island community of Balamory in Scotland.

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Sunday 5th March 2006 – 11:30

After this, there’s a trailer for Balamory in case you haven’t had enough, then the recording continues with the start of an episode of Bobinogs.

The next recording is an edited episode of Postman Pat – Postman Pat and the Magic Lamp. Charlie shows off his new scientific calculator to Tom and Katy. “It can add up and… take away.”

Katy has learned to ride a skateboard.

Tom isn’t as good as she is.

Tom finds a lamp. They joke that it might grant wishes. Tom wishes that he can ride the skateboard, and then tries again, managing to stay on this time.

Tom and Katy’s mum is picking plums when she falls and sprains her ankle.

Tom and Katy are still convinced that the lamp is magic. Charlie is skeptical, and says it’s all about mind over matter. He’s lost his calculator and decides to use the power of his mind to find it. He doesn’t, but then Jess the Cat pulls the calculator out of the flower bed, so Charlie takes it as confirmation. He doesn’t have a rigorous scientific mind.

They visit Ted, and still want to believe in the magic lamp. So they wish for something funny to happen. Then Ted gets into a spot of bother with his paint bucket.

The children think it’s funny at first, but they soon see the dark side of their dabbling in occult forces beyond their comprehension, the foolish mortals.

In the end, they need Dr Gilbertson’s help to free Ted from the bucket.

The children are upset, thinking it was their wish that caused the problem. Lucky Pat is there to explain the moral of the story. “Wishes do come true, but you have to make them come true yourself.” He asks what other wish they would make, and they say they want to pick all the plums from the trees, before the wasps can eat them all. So Ted and Pat help them pick all the plums.

Media Centre Description: Children’s animation. The children make a wish they regret.

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Sunday 5th March 2006 – 13:00

I have two identical copies of the next recording , which starts with the end of Just the Two Of Us. There’s a trailer for Planet Earth. There’s a trailer for Panorama looking at elderly people forced to sell their houses to pay for care. Also a trailer for Dalziel and Pascoe – Houdini’s Ghost.

Next, the first episode of Planet Earth – From Pole to Pole. It’s hard to do documentaries like this justice on the blog. For example, this aerial shot of a huge migration of birds.

At least Polar Bear cubs look cute.

There’s the usual tense chase between predator and prey – this is a wolf chasing a caribou which just looks like a bully.

A leopard eats someone’s face.

There’s some gorgeous timelapse of trees blossoming.

And trees in autumn going red and brown.

When my daughter saw this Bird of Paradise doing its display, she said “That’s the meme!” She thought she’d recognised it as it was preparing, and once it turned around, she knew she was right.

Some seals get attacked by a Great White Shark.

There’s some lovely timelapse of clouds

There’s a hunt by some African wild dogs hunting Impala.

The head of a queue of elephants stops suddenly, and the ones following it bump into it.

The documentary finishes with Emperor Penguins finally seeing the sun after a long winter, and hatching their chicks.

There’s a Planet Earth Diaries segment, looking at the helicopter crew shooting the wild dog hunt. These guys really want to be Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

Media Centre Description: Documentary series which celebrates our planet in all its glory, both its spectacular scenery and its captivating natural history. This episode journeys across the planet, following the influence of the sun and discovering how its seasonal journey affects the lives of all who live on earth. As spring arrives in the Arctic, a mother polar bear emerges from her den with two tiny cubs. At the other end of the planet winter arrives and Emperor penguins are plunged into darkness for four months.

BBC Genome: BBC One London – Sunday 5th March 2006 – 21:00

This episode is available on iPlayer.

After this, there’s a trailer for the next episode, and for Drama on BBC Four.

Then, the News starts, leading with Menzies Campbell making his first big speech as the new leader of the Liberal Democrats.

The last recording today starts with the end of  High Heels and Low Lives. I’ve never seen it, but given it seems to feature the actor Kevin Eldon and Mark Williams, maybe I should.

On the other hand, Danny Dyer is second billed, so maybe not.

There’s trailers for National Lottery Jet Set, an advert for the online game Jamie Kane that I remember being quite a big deal in New Media at the time.

Then, an episode of The Sky at Night – The Loveliest Planet. It looks at Saturn and its rings.

Media Centre Description: Saturn is currently visible in the night sky. Chris Lintott explains how to locate the ringed planet while Patrick Moore talks to John Zarnecki about the latest findings from the Cassini mission.

BBC Genome: BBC One London – Monday 6th March 2006 – 00:55

After this, there’s trailers for Jimmy’s Farm and Waterloo Road, then there’s Weatherview. The recording finishes just as a signed repeat of Holby City starts.

Postman Pat – UFO – 04 Mar 2006

The first recording today is Postman Pat – Postman Pat and the Fancy Dress Party. Jess has got a little tangled up.

There’s a big party happening. Arthur asks Dr Gilbertson if she’ll go to the party with him.

I don’t like the way Constable Selby looks at his radio when he’s talking on it. Doesn’t look like safe driving to me.

Mrs Goggins is looking up her best stuff for the party.

Lucy’s looking for something to wear for the party. I don’t think her dancing flowerpots are going to cut it.

Arthur is called to help gets some runaway sheep back into their field. He’s a little dishevelled after it.

Pat and Sara help Lucy make something to wear for the party.

The party looks great. Plenty of cake, that’s what I like to see.

Arthur gets there late, and exhausted as his car broke down and he had to run all the way there, and didn’t have time to change. Mrs Gilbertson is looking skeptical until he explains why he’s late.

Lucy arrives, and looks lovely.

Media Centre Description: Children’s animation. Lucy doesn’t have anything to wear to the party.

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Saturday 4th March 2006 – 13:00

The next recording is an edited episode of UFO – The Dalotek Affair. I’ve looked at this one before. A UFO comes down near the site that a private company is prospecting on the moon. Col Straker is dead against having private companies on the moon, and he lets their chairman know. The chairman is played by Philip Latham, one of those familiar TV faces.

Loving the very analogue controls of a Lunar module.

I still think the ending of this episode, where Foster has been getting friendly with the woman on the Dalotek team, but she has to have an Amnesia shot and won’t remember her contact with Moonbase. So what does Foster do? Have a goodbye snog. Now, in the context of the show, it’s consensual, they were talking about going for Fettuccini back on Earth, clearly enjoying each other’s company, but it does smack a little of rohypnol. She even imagines the kiss as she’s going under after having been given the amnesia shot. It’s all very 1970.

Media Centre Description: Sci-fi adventure series about a secret organisation set up to combat alien invaders. Disaster threatens when radio and video links with the Moonbase fail.

Recorded from ITV4 on Saturday 04 March 2006 18:58

Charlie and Lola – Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD – 03 Mar 2006

First today, another episode of Charlie and Lola – I Will Not Never Ever Eat A Tomato. Charlie sometimes has to get Lola something to eat. That’s difficult sometimes because Lola is a very fussy eater. Here is a small subset of things she will not eat.

Charlie starts rebranding vegetables. Carrots are really Orange Twiglets from Jupiter.

Peas are Greendrops from Greenland.

Mashed Potato is Cloud Fluff from the pointiest peak of Mount Fuji.

Fish Fingers are Ocean Nibbles from under the sea.

Lola enjoys all of these new foods. She still won’t ever, never eat a tomato. But she points and says “Will you pass me one of those, Charlie?” pointing at the tomatoes. “But it’s a tomato.” “It is not a tomato. It’s a Moon Squirter.”

Media Centre Description: Children’s animation. Join Lola and Charlie, a brother and sister, as they deal with topics that effect their everyday lives. Lola is a fussy eater but Charlie convinces her to try some different foods.

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Friday 3rd March 2006 – 18:30

The next recording might be a lot of fun. It’s Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, the 1998 TV Movie based on the Marvel hero.

The film opens in a top secret base, where the frozen body of Baron Von Strucker is being stored. A young Private is there, and starts shutting down security.

A big helicopter team of bad guys arrives, looking for Strucker’s body. Another officer there tries to hold them off, despite having just been shot by the Private, but there’s too many of them. We learn later that this is Clay Quartermain, a familiar figure in the comics.

One of the bad guys is a woman. As he’s dying, he says “Nick, take care of her”. “Isn’t that sweet. His last words… Nick.”

Cut to the Yukon, and somebody really wants to be left alone.

It’s Colonel Nick Fury, played by David Hasselhoff. He certainly looks the part. He’s using a pickaxe on a concrete wall, for no reason that I can discern other than it’s a manly thing that shows off his muscles. He can hear noise from the entrance of his base.

He finds the visitor, and roughs him up a bit. The man introduces himself as Alexander Goodwin Pierce. (MCU fans will recognise this as the name of Robert Redford’s character in Captain America: The Winter Soldier.) He’s there on behalf of SHIELD to tell him his priority code has been reactivated, and they’re asking him to return to his post.

An aircraft arrives. This isn’t horrible effects, especially for a TV production at the time.

It brings another character familiar from the comics, Contessa Valentina de Allegro Fontaine, Val for short, played by Lisa Rinna. If you’ve seen some of the recent Marvel shows and films, you’ll have seen her played by Julia Louis Dreyfuss. It’s a shame they didn’t use her classic 60s comic look, with a big beehive hairdo.

This version of the Helicarrier isn’t too bad.

There’s a scene in the lift where a retinal scan can’t verify Fury because it expects two eyes, which suggests that Nick lost his shortly before he left SHIELD. He’s already said that it was Strucker who was responsible for him losing it. It’s not quite as amusing as I think they hoped, but I did wonder that, in a lift with a super-hi-tech retinal scan and computer system, would the lift buttons still be so old and analogue?

Another comic familiar is “Dum Dum” Dugan, played by Garry Chalk.

A new name (to me, anyway) is Kate Neville (Tracy Waterhouse) a psychic agent.

The current director of SHIELD, General Jack Pincer (Tom McBeath) is being set up as an obstructive idiot.

Next we meet SHIELD’s version of Q, Gabriel Jones (Ron Canada). He gives Fury a new gun – an electric gun that keyed to his “thermal signature” so no one else can fire it.

He also demonstrates an LMD – Life Model Decoy – of Fury.

Next we get an info-dump. Clay Quartermain was wearing contact lenses that recorded what he was seeing and hearing, so they replay his final moments, and his weird last words make sense, as a message to Fury. The woman is Andrea Von Strucker, the daughter of Baron Von Strucker. “Revenge is mine” is something she really says in this film.

Gabriel believes that Andrea took Von Strucker’s body because it contains remnants of the Death’s Head virus, a Nazi super-weapon developed by Arnim Zola during the war, and revived ten years ago by Von Strucker to create a Fourth Reich. Von Strucker was killed by the virus, and all samples were destroyed, but Gabriel thinks that Arnim Zola (who’s still alive, and in a SHIELD safehouse) could replicate the virus using Von Strucker’s body.

Every location so far looks like a disused factory. At least this one has flags. It’s slightly annoying me that the flag on the right is either shorter, or its bottom is blocked by something on the walkway.

Andrea has a very complicated setup for her conference call with her terrorist associates. Lots of sideways black and white CRT screens. She’s also dressed for the occasion. Her performance is way over the top – I don’t think I’ve seen a villain performance like this since Sandra Bernhardt in Hudson Hawk. She brings out one of the terrorist leaders, just so she can shoot him, as a warning to the others that they’re not safe, and she does that trembly thing after she shoots him as if she’s just had an orgasm. Coupled with her outrageous German accent, she’s really earning her supervillain pay.

In Berlin, Fury and Val are waiting for a rendezvous with a Berlin Interpol detective, Inspector Runciter. They hear gunshots, and a woman steps out. She gives the code phrase Fury’s expecting, and says the dead man was a Hydra agent who was skulking around. She’s supposed to be German, but seems to have a very English accent, and it looks like she’s been dubbed, as her mouth movements don’t seem to match her dialogue.

There’s some running away from Hydra agents, and a moment when the three of them run full pelt into a concrete wall which is actually a holographic door, like they’re running to Platform 9 3/4 at King’s Cross. They find Arnim Zola there, and Kate Neville tries to scan his mind to find out if he’s already made contact with Hydra. But all she gets is a lot of apocalyptic stock footage.

Inspector Runciter tells Fury she’s sure that there are Hydra agents in the safe house. “Can we meet somewhere we won’t be disturbed?” When he joins her she starts trying to seduce him, which doesn’t set off alarm bells for Fury although it should. Then, when he doesn’t play ball, she zaps him with an electric charge and jumps on him. Then she plants a big kiss on him, with poisoned lipstick.

Then she sprays something on her face that I assume is supposed to be removing her cunning disguise – it was Andrea Von Strucker all along. Except I genuinely can’t tell these two actors apart. They’re almost identical. Yet as soon as she does the face spraying, Fury says “You!” implying he had no idea up to that point, but now it’s obvious. And with the face spraying, she reverts to her very thick, almost ‘Allo ‘Allo level German accent, which might also explain why when she was disguised, they dubbed her voice so it was barely German at all, otherwise there would have been no difference at all.

So Fury is now dying because of the poison. There’s a long sequence where he’s in a medical scanner, and he and Val avoid having a conversation about their feelings. But he’s Nick Fury, dammit, and he’s not going to let a little fatal poisoning stop him taking down Hydra. The annoying SHIELD director Pincer arrives, and starts complaining, but Fury pulls his gun out and starts shooting – sideways obviously, because he’s an action hero – at someone behind Pincer who is a perfect duplicate of Pincer. It’s a Life Model Decoy, and seems impervious to bullets. It then opens its mouth and starts projecting a hologram above the command  centre, so that Andrea Von Strucker can explain her evil plan to release the Death’s Head virus in Manhattan unless she gets One Billion Dollars by tomorrow. All I could think during this scene is how much it reminded me of The Last Starfighter with a similar rotating holographic head imparting and ultimatum. I wish more of this film had reminded me of The Last Starfighter. There is one good line though. Pincer says “By the way, Fury, how did you know which one of me to shoot?” “I didn’t.”

There’s rather a lot of padding here, as they split the team, with Val going after the vehicle that’s carrying the virus in Manhattan, which they know has to be refrigerated, and Fury, Pierce and Neville take a jet out to where the Hydra base might be. The most exciting thing that happens is when the jet gets shot down, although they all bail out safely.

They soon get captured, though, and it allows Andrea to show off another of her supervillain costumes.

Fury contrives an escape because – his fake eye is a grenade.

There’s so little happening at this stage that the only way they can maintain tension is to have lots of countdowns visible everywhere.

In New York, the rockets with the virus are controlled by Andrea’s brother, who’s so dull that I haven’t mentioned him before. And Val kills him here, so that’s all from him. But the rockets could still be set off remotely. Or be on a timer.

Their CRT setup, with the raw tubes just exposed, is really bugging me. CRTs have really dangerous voltages, so this equipment is a health and safety nightmare.

In retrospect, pointing the rockets at the Twin Towers looks worse now than it would have done in 1998.

Is Arnim Zola playing with a Nintendo DS?

Fury bursts in on them, knocks Andrea over, but Zola grabs his gun – you know, the one that’s keyed to Fury’s ‘Thermal Signature’. So when he tries to shoot Fury, it backfires.

Fury and Andrea fight a bit, but she gets her gun and shoots him. “Revenge is mine.” She leans very close to Fury’s head. “I can’t hear you Colonel Fury. What? No witty ripostes? No clever comebacks? I said Revenge is Mine. Don’t you have anything to say?”

There’s a whistle from behind her. Fury is sitting there. “I always heard living well is the best revenge.” Which, to be fair, is a great line. The dead Fury is, of course, a Life Model Decoy. Chekov’s LMD, established in the first act and used in the finale.

Fury calls SHIELD in New York. I’m now wondering why all these computer screens have loads of Greek letters. German I could understand, but why Greek?

Kate has to read Andrea’s mind to get the abort code. A process which takes a lot more screen time than it really needs. It does fell like there’s a lot of padding here. There’s even uncertainty about the final digit of the abort code to eke out the tension a bit more, then a pause for the countdown to come to an end, and the rockets to withdraw.

But there’s still some jeopardy, as Strucker’s goons are cutting through the door and will be there any second. “You haven’t got a chance” crows Andrea. But Nick looks up and there’s the SHIELD helicarrier, coming to the rescue.

But wait, after they take a sample of Andrea’s blood, and handcuff her to a chair, there’s another countdown, althought they don’t know what for. It’s a diversion, and Andrea escapes her cuffs, gets in the cylinder where her frozen father is being kept, and starts descending into the floor. Very slowly, of course. Which makes it odd that when she finally disappears from view, Fury turns to the others and declares “She’s halfway to China by now.” Halfway to the sub-basement, maybe.

And that about wraps it up. Fury is cured of the poison, he punches the annoying SHIELD director, and even has a sort-of reconciliation with Val, and they end the adventure staring off into the sunset on the helicarrier.

There’s even what would nowadays be a mid-credits sting, with Andrea and her now revived father, Baron Von Strucker, cackling evilly, and presumably setting things up for a series, which never materialised.

Media Centre Description: Action adventure in which comic book hero Nick Fury is persuaded out of retirement by covert agency SHIELD to battle his old enemy – the terrorist agency Hydra – which has been taken over by Viper, the daughter of the former head of the evil organisation.

Recorded from ITV 1 on Friday 03 March 2006 23:58

Smallville: Superman the Early Years – Pinky and the Brain – Blue Peter – Peep Show – 02 Mar 2006

Today’s first recording starts with the end of Celebrity Big Brother, with Davina McCall interviewing Rula Lenska about her experience in the house, as I presume she’s been evicted. About Pete Burns of Dead or Alive, “Have you ever seen anyone put on make-up, so much, so often?” Rula’s pick for winning the whole show is Preston, who I remember being the punchline of a lot of jokes around this time.

In her “best bits” clip package she says “A hug a day makes a huge difference”. So obviously I had to mention that.

Then, an episode of Smallville: Superman the Early Years – Crusade. But this is from a mid-afternoon repeat run, so this is the first episode of season 4, the one before the one we’ve been watching most recently. This is going to get complicated, isn’t it?

It starts with a “Three Months Later” caption

A woman is watching a video of Chloe, addressing Clark, telling him “If you’re watching this, I’m probably dead. Find out who did this.”

She’s driving, trying to find the Kent farm, while asking for directions on the phone, while there’s a lightning storm outside. It’s all looking very precarious.

She’s almost struck by lightning, and comes off the road, when three bolts of lightning hit just in front of her.

A sphere of energy appears and bursts, leaving the corn flattened, and a body in the centre. I think I spotted some kind of clue in the residual lightning. I wonder if you can make it out.

It’s Clark, although he can’t remember his name. He turns around, and he’s naked. The woman says to herself “Just look at his face.” Then she tells him she has a blanket in the trunk. He asks who she is. “Lois. Lois Lane.” Yes, it’s her first introduction to the show.

Cue the titles, and any thoughts that Chloe might really be dead might be assuaged by her appearance in the main titles. There’s also a new face, a pre-Supernatural Jensen Ackles as “Football Guy”.

Something is discovered in a tomb, and Lex seems quite excited by it. Although it looks egyptian, it has Kryptonian writing on the back. I hope it’s not the manufacturer’s details.

Lana is in Paris, taking photographs, and she bumps into a random man (the afore-mentioned Mr Ackles) who starts a long involved story about how he’s waiting for his girlfriend and has bought her a present, and explains how they met, and it’s really weird until you realise that he’s actually talking about Lana and describing their meeting as exposition. It’s a little bit awkward in the writing and makes him seem weird to begin with.

Back in Smallville, Martha is reading Huckleberry Finn to Jonathan, who’s in a coma, on life support. The doctor comes to ask her about him. She won’t pull the plug. “It’s been three months. He’s brain dead. Your insurance is capped out.” It’s amazing to me that when Obama was getting Obamacare running, all the republicans were making up all sorts of scare stories about “Death Panels”, and yet their default healthcare setting is that your insurance company decides if you die. It’s insane.

Lucky for everyone, Lois has taken Clark to the same hospital, and when he goes wandering (because of the whole no memory thing) Martha spots him. He’s obviously been gone for the three months since the Season Finale. Lois happily hands Clark off to Martha, and only when they’re leaving does she realise that he was the Clark Kent she was in Smallville to find.

Lex, meanwhile, is suffering from a “chemical onslaught” and if his blood isn’t purified every 72 hours he’ll die.

Martha brings Clark home. He sounds like he’s been gaslit by Jor-El. He sees a picture of Jonathan. “He’s not my father. He tried to prevent me from being reborn. “No, Clark. He loves you, He tried to save you from Jor-el.” “Either way, he’s dead.”

Lex’s plane hits some turbulence, and he drops the Egyptian sculpture he got, and it smashes. Inside is a magic crystal.

The crystal glows, and Clark seems to hear it. Then he snaps out of it. “I am Kal-el of Krypton. It is time to fulfil my destiny.”

“Destiny? That’s Jor-el talking! He did this to you! I want my son back! Give me my son back!” “Clark Kent is dead.” He pushes Martha to the ground and flies away (or maybe he just does a huge super-jump, I know one of the rules on the show was “No Flights, No Tights” but maybe it doesn’t count if it isn’t Clark). That’s the second episode we’ve seen recently where Clark is violent towards Martha, and I always find it deeply shocking. It’s the easiest way for the show to tell us Clark has gone bad, but it never fails to upset me.

It definitely looks like flying.

Lana goes to the Notre Dame to do some Brass Rubbing. Jason meets her there and shows her one she could do – “Countess Margaret Isabelle Theroux. It says here she was a warrior princess who… kicked a lot of ass and broke a lot of hearts.” He leaves to plan her birthday surprise, and she starts rubbing. When she gets to a specific symbol, it catches her eye, she touches it and it starts glowing, zapping her with a bright light.

Lois turns up at the Kent farm looking for Clark. I love this scene, particularly this exchange:

Lois: Were she and Clark ever an item?
Martha: Oh, I think for a minute, but…
Lois: That’s funny. I never thought she’d fall for the farm boy type.
Martha: Trust me, that can happen to the best of us.
Lois: Not me. Give me a nerd with glasses any day of the week.

Kal-El is approaching Lex’s plane. The pilots spot him on radar. “What is it? A bird, a plane?” I’m probably easily pleased, but I love all these little references in dialogue. Clark breaks into the plane, magically attracts the crystal to him (through a bulkhead door, so Lex doesn’t get a good look at him) and flies off.

Martha is cleaning up the picture of Jonathan that Kal-El smashed when a woman arrives. She introduces herself as Bridgette Crosby, an associate of Dr Virgil Swann, the scientist who’s researching Kryptonian relics and language, and was played by Christopher Reeve. And Crosby is played by Margot Kidder, Reeve’s Lois Lane, so that’s a delight. Martha doesn’t want to talk to anyone else than Swann. Crosby reassures her. “But I do know what it’s like to love somebody whose calling is greater than your own.” “You and Dr Swann?” “In a different lifetime.” And that line just made me cry.

Crosby tells Martha she can help Clark. “Martha, the only challenge to a father’s will… is a mother’s love.” She gives Martha some Black Kryptonite.

Lex visits Lionel in prison. He thinks it was Lionel who stole the crystal from the plane. “Three relics… hidden around the world by scientifically advanced ancient cultures. Legend has it that, when united, they point the way to a treasury of knowledge that puts the library of Alexandria to shame.”

Clark goes to the cave, and opens a door by pressing the right symbols. He enters the magic door and puts the crystal on the glowing table.

In Paris, Lana wakes up in bed in her apartment. Jason is knocking on the door, wondering why she’s two hours late for her surprise. She says she doesn’t remember how she got there.

When he comes back through the magic door, Martha is waiting for him. She lays the Black Kryptonite on him, and the first thing it does is get rid of his shirt – possibly so we can see the Kryptonian symbol on his chest that we’ve seen before, but mainly to fulfill the show’s naked hot people quota (see also Lana waking up naked in bed earlier). Then the Black Kryptonite makes Clark split in two – mirroring the best bit from Superman III (although Christopher Reeve kept his shirt on for that). They fight a bit, Martha throws Clark the Black Kryptonite, and he finishes off Kal-El.

Cut to the hospital, and Jonathan suddenly wakes up.

Clark’s back to normal, and regular readers will not be surprised to hear that the family’s reunion had me in tears.

Lana takes a shower and notices she now has a mark on her back. Would you look at your back in the mirror after a shower, assuming you had one? Is that something people do? Admittedly our shower has nothing larger than a shaving mirror, but even if it did, I’m not sure I’d be routinely checking my back for strange symbols. Maybe it itches.

Lois visits Lionel. He again denies responsibility for Chloe’s death, despite it meaning he’ll probably be set free. Lois leaves him with a thought. “You know… it must kill you that somebody has given you this gift. And you don’t know who and you don’t know why, but… without Chloe’s testimony, you’re probably gonna walk out of here a free man. Or are you being set up?”

Lois visits Chloe’s grave. Clark arrives too, with some flowers. He offers Lois a place to stay while she’s in town, and says he wants to help her find out who killed Chloe. Then he uses his X-Ray vision to look at her coffin. It’s empty. “Lois? Chloe’s still alive.”

Recorded from E4 on Thursday 02 March 2006 14:58

After this, the start of a programme called Switched. A programme in which two people switch lives for a time.

The next recording starts with the end of Jakers!

Then, another episode of Pinky and the Brain – Brain’s Song. In this episode, Brain makes a moving and very sad sports biography, with the hope that it will make the world so depressed that they’ll agree to him being their supreme leader.

He does some research on Pinky, showing him various sad films, including a Lion King variant with tigers – so I guess that would be The Tiger King?

He pitches his movie, Brain’s Song in Hollywood. Loads of cameos, starting with Siskel and Ebert.

That’s David Letterman (practically a regular on this show) and Larry King, but I don’t know the third man, or the group on the table behind them.

Brain is pitching in a mechanical suit. “I call it Brains Song, the tragic tale of me, Brain Piccadilly, a former arena football player suffering from a bad case of stomach cramps, as told by my longtime friend and teammate Meadowlark Lemon.”

He pitching to Tom Hanks, “The nicest guy in Hollywood”. Who then throws the table over and storms off.

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore also pass on the project.

He even pitches to “Ralph Malph” from Happy Days.

I’m continually perplexed by the weird misspelling on this show’s backgrounds. One of the books there is supposed to be “Surprise Surprise, I’m a Actin'” but it’s rendered here as “Sonrize Sorrize Im a’ Actin” I’m assuming the problem is a lot of the animation is done overseas, but it seems to happen a lot.

In the end, Brain and Pinky have to make the film themselves.

As the film ends, there’s a lot of sad reaction to it – another cameo, this time from Watergate crook G Gordon Liddy, who was a radio host at the time, I think.

Brain phones the World’s leaders, and they’re so depressed that they willingly hand over power to him, including President Clinton.

I’m going to say this is Boris Yeltsin.

Colonel Gaddaffi.

Brain sets up a world telecast to cement his new power, but unfortunately, he keeps uncontrollably shaking, which was caused by the vibrating football game they were filming on. This makes everyone watching laugh, and Brain’s brief moment of power is over.

Media Centre Description: Cartoon chaos with the anarchic duo.

BBC Genome: BBC One London – Thursday 2nd March 2006 – 15:45

After this, there’s the start of an episode of What’s New Scooby Doo?

The next recording is an episode of Blue Peter from the CBBC Channel, and starts in mid-flow with Johnny Depp promoting Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

It’s a Roald Dahl special. Liz plays an evil sweet shop owner in a story from Dahl’s biography.

Gethin plays a headmaster

Matt talks to the great Quentin Blake.

Gethin goes up in a WWII Fighter Plane. Surprisingly, he doesn’t puke.

Liz visits Roald Dahl’s writing hut.

Media Centre Description: Information, topical items and performance in the children’s magazine.

Recorded from CBBC Channel on Thursday 02 March 2006 17:03

BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Thursday 02 March 2006 (broken)

The next recording is an episode of Peep Show – Sistering. Mark has a week off, but his sister Sarah comes to stay, having split with her partner.

Mark can see Jez fancies Sarah. “Promise me you won’t try to sleep with her.” “I promise I will try not to sleep with her.” He sleeps with her.

Big Suze, Jeremy’s ex, comes round to run some lines with him. Mark suddenly finds himself attracted to her.

Mark even goes jogging with her, which he enjoys for about two minutes before getting a stitch.

Jeremy is jealous of Mark getting on with Big Suze, even though he’s sleeping with Sarah. So he’s relieved when Sarah tells him she’s going to give her relationship another chance, and she leaves. Unfortunately, she returns shortly afterwards, as she found texts to another woman on his phone. And Mark is rude to Big Suze because Jez told her he was in love with her. Jez goes to the pub with Suze, and Mark has to break up with his sister for Mark. All these people are idiots.

Media Centre Description: Comedy series about two socially dysfunctional losers who share a south London flat. Mark’s plans for an enjoyable week off are ruined when his sister comes to stay. Jeremy finds himself increasingly attracted to her, especially when Mark tells him to back off. Meanwhile, Mark realises he has feelings for Jeremy’s ex, Big Suze.

Recorded from E4 on Thursday 02 March 2006 22:58

After this, recording continues with about five minutes of 8 out of Ten Cats featuring Patrick McGuinness

Ed Byrne

Dave Spikey

Jade Goody

Reginald D Hunter

and Sean Lock. Slightly shocking to think that one third of the panellists are dead now.

After this, there’s another recording of the same episode later in the evening. Good old E4 repeats.

Recorded from E4 on Friday 03 March 2006 02:33

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Pinky and the Brain – Blue Peter – Charlie and Lola – 01 Mar 2006

The first recording today starts with the end of Jakers!.

Jake and Angellica celebrate St David’s Day. Jake hands Angellica “a yet to come out daffodil”. Which seems like poor planning on his part.

Then, another episode of Pinky and the Brain – But That’s Not All, Folks. Pinky and The Brain are doing an infomercial.

Brain has hooked up his broadcast through a disused satellite – which is a decoy set up by the US Air Force to fool their enemies. They detect the intrusion, but the general in charge is too bust watching Brain’s infomercial to take any action.

Brain’s plan is to get everyone to phone up and order. He’s rigged u a computer to answer the phone and take everyone’s address, and store them on a giant customer database. There’s a huge Water Cooling system to stop the computer overheating.

Once they’ve collected all the addresses, “Then we shall overload the global postal system, choking every single PO Box and mail slot with gross amounts of unwanted junk mail. The nuisance of it all will surely drive everyone mad, but I shall be the saviour. Put me in charge of your world, and I promise to remove each and everyone’s name from all junk mail lists.”

There’s so many calls coming in that the telephone system is jammed. Even President Clinton can’t order a pizza, so he talks to the general.

Brain unveils their product. “Of course, those of lower intelligence will see nothing.”

Brain doesn’t mind if people cancel their order – all he wanted was the names and addresses.

Because everyone’s been watching the infomercial, now everyone’s going to the loo.

As well as monitoring rogue use of satellites, it seems the Air Force also monitor other things. “Water supply levels have dropped to the danger point. Hmm. Just like when they aired the final episode of The Fugitive. Almost everyone in the country was watching the same TV show and when it was over they all flushed their toilets at once.” I can’t find a citation for this specific claim, but I can find similar claims about the Superbowl and the finale of M.A.S.H.

Sadly for Brain, the lack of water affects the water cooling system for their computer, and they end up losing all the addresses.

Media Centre Description: Cartoon chaos with the anarchic duo. The Brain launches his latest plan on a live infomercial.

BBC Genome: BBC One London – Wednesday 1st March 2006 – 15:45

After this, there’s a trailer for Blue Peter. Then the recording stops after five minutes of What’s New Scooby Doo.

The next recording looks edited. It’s another episode of Blue Peter, and this episode sees Gethin go home to Wales for St David’s Day. I’m not saying this programme is reinforcing stereotypes, but there’s an awful lot of rugby in this programme.

As well as playing with his old local team, he also trains with the Cardiff team – he comes off second best when trying to stop a running Jonah Lomu.

Gethin went to school with another of Cardiff’s players, Jamie Robinson.

Gethin does a bit of a Who Do You Think You Are, looking at his great grandfather, who was a miner. He also designed and made a type of lamp for miners, and Gethin gets to see one of the lamps he made.

Next, Gethin meets a ten year old welsh speaker, Llewellyn. Naturally, he meets him on a football pitch, but in a break from the very sport-heavy content, they also play piano together.

It wouldn’t be a piece about the Welsh language without the longest placename in Britain.

Gethin meets two of his best friends for some mountain biking.

When the day of the Cardiff vs Edinburgh rugby match comes, Gethin’s been told he’ll be joining the players on the pitch. His strip isn’t quite what he was expecting.

Because this episode was recording from the CBBC channel, there’s an extra bit at the end, featuring Matt keeping up with the sporting theme by trying out some wakeboarding.

Media Centre Description: Information, topical items and performance in the children’s magazine.

BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Wednesday 01 March 2006 (still broken, but the BBC broadcast of this episode is BBC One London – Wednesday 1st March 2006 – 17:00)

The final recording today is another episode of Charlie and Lola – I Am Hurrying, I’m Almost Nearly Ready!. Lola takes her time getting ready for school, which is frustrating for Charlie who is trying to get her there on time.

She’d much rather have some colouring in time that find and pack all the things she needs for school.

It’s a bit windy outside

Now she’s imagining all the steps on the path making a tune.

Now she’s distracted by Hedgyhogs.

Charlie tries to hurry Lola up by telling her that today is the day that all the dragons come to school.

Media Centre Description: Children’s animation. Join Lola and Charlie, a brother and sister, as they deal with topics that effect their everyday lives. Charlie wants Lola to hurry or they’ll be late for school. She keeps getting distracted but he has a plan!

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Wednesday 1st March 2006 – 18:30

SMarteenies – Pinky and the Brain – Peep Show – 28 Feb 2006

The first recording today starts with the end of Doodle Doo. There’s an ad for the CBeebies website. Sid does some disco dancing.

Then an episode of SMarteenies. Jay traces a fish.

Lizi does some art with the kids.

Kirsten does some weaving

Mark makes the Choc Ness Monster

 

And a Big version

Media Centre Description: Exciting ideas to help viewers experiment with art and crafts. Today, more examples of pattern designs, another big picture and more from the SMarteenies gallery. With Mark Speight, Kirsten O’Brien, Jay Burridge, Bizi Lizi and Doogy the dog.

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Tuesday 28th February 2006 – 09:20

There’s a trailer for Balamory. Sid and Webster make some pancakes.

Then there’s the start of The Tweenies.

The next recording starts with the end of Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks.

In the CBBC Studio, they’ve landscaped it in honour of Serious Amazon.

There’s a trailer for Blue Peter.

Then, an episode of Pinky and the Brain – This Old Mouse. Pinky is trying out Virtual Reality.

Brain uses his VR helmets to travel into the future. To his surprise, he’s not ruling the world.

As a result, brain has a midlife crisis. He drives a sports car, has a young girlfriend, but it’s not helping. “Worse, I found out that my toupee wasn’t a Clooney. It was a Schwimmer, whoever that is.”

He goes to a careers advice specialist, who determines that his ideal vocation is Ski Instructor.

Pinky looks at the future again to see what Brain’s doing and sees him dying in an avalanche. So he finds Brain and saves him, making him realise that the future can be changed, so he returns to the lab.

Media Centre Description: Cartoon chaos with the anarchic duo. The Brain realises that he must change when he gets a glimpse into the future and sees that he will continue to fail.

BBC Genome: BBC One London – Tuesday 28th February 2006 – 15:45

Recording continues with the start of Scooby Doo.

The last two recordings are an unedited and an edited copy of an episode of Peep Show that we’ve seen more than once – Mugging.

Media Centre Description: Comedy series about two socially dysfunctional losers who share a south London flat. Mark’s Blackberry is stolen by muggers, and he is so incensed by the incident that he’s unable to rise to the occasion when his unrequited love Sophie finally makes a move on him. Jeremy turns to heavy drinking as a result of being troubled by a girls-based dilemma, and ends up in a fight with a monk.

Recorded from E4 on Wednesday 01 March 2006 00:03

After this, recording continues with the start of an episode of The O.C.

Adverts:

• match.com
• Centerparcs
• Johnson’s Junior Shampoo
• Currys
• trail: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
• trail: Fridays on Channel 4
• Vauxhall Zafira
• Ariel Sensitive
• Pedigree
• Head & Shoulders
• Flash Ultimate
• North East England
• Max Factor – Memoirs of a Geisha
• Serenity on DVD
• Ariel Sensitive
• Vauxhall Meriva
• Renault Megane
• ebay
• Axa
• Barclays
• RAC
• Powergen
• Syriana in cinemas
• Tefal – Jamie Oliver
• trail: Chantelle: Living the Dream

SMarteenies – Smallville: Superman the Early Years – Life on Mars – 27 Feb 2006

The first recording today opens with the end of Doodle Doo. They way it always ends up with a jolly song about tidying up feels a bit too preachy for me.

There’s an ad for the CBeebies website. Then Sid and Sue make sounds with some rulers on a table, and and Thumb Piano.

Then, an episode of SMarteenies. Jay demonstrates Rough and Smooth.

Lizi paints an elephant.

Kirsten makes a mobile.

Lizi paints… I’m going to say a giraffe and a mouse.

Mark makes a bear from shapes from the shape store.

Lizi gets all sizeist, with “Fat and Thin”.

Media Centre Description: Exciting ideas to help viewers experiment with art and crafts. Today, the man of letters, finger-painting pictures, and more from the shape store. With Mark Speight, Kirsten O’Brien, Jay Burridge, Bizi Lizi and Doogy the dog.

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Monday 27th February 2006 – 09:20

After this, there’s a trailer for Balamory. Then, Sid is very excited because Webster is taking him on a trip round the world. In his Holiday Machine.

Then the recording ends during an episode of The Tweenies.

The next recording is Smallville: Superman the Early Years – Solitude. Martha is coming back late, and is zapped by a bright light.

Clark sees the light, rushes outside, and finds Martha on the ground. She says she’s OK, but Clark is concerned something has happened to her. He suspects Jor-El, so he goes to see Professor Fine to ask for his help. Fine doesn’t think he’s ready to learn about Jor-El.

Clark tells his parents about Fine. Jonathan is immediately distrusting, given that every time they’ve come across Kryptonians, they been “hellbent on Death and Destruction”. Martha drops a teapot and her shoulder starts hurting badly. It looks like it’s got a Kryptonian marking.

Lionel comes to Chloe with a story – that Professor Fine has super powers.

Clark goes back to Fine to tell him about Martha’s shoulder. Fine tells him that his father used to torture dissidents the same way – that he was a violent dictator. “Anybody who spoke out against him was locked away. Even the great hero of the people, Zod. If he hadn’t been captured, Zod could have stopped your father from eviscerating the planet.” Uh Oh. We all know where this going, don’t we?

Fine examines Martha. Jonathan is still skeptical. But Martha starts having a seizure. Fine asks if they have any meteor rock, and tells Jonathan to apply it to her forehead. But he also says that it will only ease the pain. “I’m sorry, Kal-EI. Within a matter of hours, your Earth mother will be dead.”

Clark visits the Fortress of Solitude to beg Jor-El not to kill his mother. Jor-El first claims not to have done anything, but then says it’s all fate. I’m assuming the show is still trying to have us believe that it’s Jor-El who’s affecting Martha.

Is Lex’s hair growing back? Looks like a five o’clock shadow there.

Martha is getting worse.

Chloe has been following Professor Fine, but she couldn’t get into the place they’re storing the ship, so Lois helps her distract security while she gets in, and sees Fine appear doing his full Terminator 2 act.

Clark goes to Fine to ask how he can save his mother. He tells him that he has to destroy the fortress. They travel there, and Fine gives him a dark crystal to destroy it. “It was created to defeat your father. But Zod was a man of peace. He would only use it as a last resort.” Yeah, sure, Jan.

But Clark goes along with it, and starts the destruction. Fine pulls out some Kryptonite. “Welcome to your new home, General Zod.”

While Fine is busy making a big Welcome General Zod sign, Chloe arrives to save the day and sling the Kryptonite.

Clark pulls out the dark crystal, stopping Zod from arriving (from the Phantom Zone, no less) and he and Fine have a fight, but Fine comes to see Clark’s points.

Fine disappears, so does the spaceship in Lex’s warehouse, and Martha wakes up with her infection completely gone.

Let’s leave it with the hug.

Media Centre Description: Drama series following the teenage years of future Superman Clark Kent. When Martha comes down with a strange disease, Professor Fine convinces Clark that Jor-El is responsible and that the Fortress must be destroyed to save her life.

Recorded from E4 on Monday 27 February 2006 21:00

After this, the recording continues with the first few minutes of Van Wilder – Party Liason, a film which I’ve never seen. and on this short segment, I probably never will. Despite young Ryan Reynolds.

The next recording is missing the start of the programme (just part of the recap, thankfully). It’s episode 8 of Life on Mars. Sam is still having strange visions of walking through some woods, and a shoe with a fancy buckle. Maybe this is the episode these will be resolved.

After a car chase after some gangsters, they find a clue leading to a hotel and his team arrest the man they find there – whom Sam is shocked to see is his father, Vic Tyler. He rushes out, and remembers his mother telling him about his father leaving. “Daddy’s gone away, Sammy. He didn’t want to, but he had to. On the road again. Just back on the road. Hey. But he loves us. And you’ll see him again.”

The team don’t find anything on Sam’s father Vic which would help them get closer to the gangsters they’re pursuing so they raid some clubs, and find some porno films. “‘Once Upon A Time In Her Vest’? You dare to pollute the glorious genre of the American western?” Gene Hunt is very offended at the titles.

They did find a phone number, and when Sam calls it, a young voice answers. “Hello, Sam Tyler speaking. Can I help you?” Then, in one of the confiscated films, there’s a brief shot of the crew shooting – including Vic.

They get Vic to help them catch the gangsters. Sam is on a stake-out with him, waiting for a phone call from the gang. Sam asks him if he wants to kill some time, so they have a kick around.

A rendezvous is arranged. Vic is going to meet the gangsters at a snooker club, and Sam, Gene and the team wait outside ready to swoop. There’s gunshots, and they head in to find the man Vic was supposed to be meeting shot dead on a snooker table and another man dead in the office, where Vic is hiding. He tells Sam he didn’t see anything as he had his eyes shut. Then, when the team are distracted, he runs off.

Sam waits for him at his house. He knows he’ll be back because Sam’s favourite football card is still there. He tells Vic that leaving his family isn’t the answer, and Vic agrees to stay.

When Vic leaves, Sam hears the sound of the intensive care ward he thinks he must be in in the present, and he thinks he’s going home because he’s just sorted out his family issues. But he doesn’t and the sound of the intensive care ward stops.

His last memory of his father before he left was at a family wedding. Sam goes there, watches his mother and father, and gets more strange flashbacks to walking in the woods, and a woman in a red dress, running. He’s been getting this vision throughout the series.

Then he sees more – his father angrily beating someone, possibly the woman in the red dress. David Bowie’s Life on Mars starts playing on the soundtrack.

He watches as his father walks out of the reception, towards some woods. And he hears Annie Cartwright on her radio, calling Gene Hunt, as she’s been keeping the family under surveillance. She’s wearing a red dress. I’d like to think that Plan B for this series, if they couldn’t clear Bowie’s music, was to call the show Lady In Red and we’d have to listen to Chris de Burgh now.

As Sam starts to follow her, a young voice asks him “Have you seen my daddy? I need to find my daddy.” Was this a reference to Doctor Who? It’s possible, since writer Matthew Graham is a big Who fan.

Sam follows Annie, and sees Vic approach her, angry at being followed, then he hits her. Sam tries to placate him, telling him that he can protect him. Annie wonders what Sam is doing. And Sam is about to give Vic back his gun.

Hunt arrives, pointing his gun at Vic. He thinks Vic is behind everything, even down to pretending to be the Morton brothers, which would explain why they’ve had such trouble finding them.

Sam can’t believe it. He draws the gun on Hunt. Vic skips off. Sam can’t shoot Hunt so they both chase him.

Sam finds him, still thinking he can keep him safe. Vic says he’ll have to feel safe. “Give me the gun.” Vic’s cajoling is now mixed with voices from the Intensive Care ward telling Sam to wake up.

Sam gives the gun to Vic. Who then points it straight at Sam. Is Sam going to wake up if he’s killed here?

Vic pulls the trigger. Nothing. Sam says “I had to know”. He drops the bullets he’d taken from the gun.

Sam still wants Vic to stay, but if he stays it’ll be in prison. So Sam lets him go. He tells his mother that Vic was involved in something, and he’s left. And for young Sam “Tell him… He’s on the road. Just back on the road. And tell him… He’ll see his daddy again.”

Media Centre Description: Drama series about a Manchester detective who suffers a near-fatal car crash and wakes up in what seems to be 1973.

BBC Genome: BBC One London – Monday 27th February 2006 – 21:00

After this, there’s a trailer for The Bigger Picture with Graham Norton, Dalziel and Pascoe – Houdini’s Ghost and new drama on BBC Four.

Then, the start of the Ten O’Clock News, leading with David Cameron rebranding the Conservatives. I wonder how that went. I have to say, it looks an awful lot like the kind of reporting we see today, effectively just reading out a Tory press release. Nick Robinson’s first question to Cameron is “Isn’t this likely to look like North Korean democracy?” But we don’t hear the answer as the recording cuts off there.

Adverts:

• trail: Album Chart Show
• trail: Beauty and the Geek
• Nobby’s Crisps – Noddy Holder
• Star Magazine
• Listerine
• Kidulthood in cinemas
• Black videogame
• Nissan Shift
• Sacla Pesto Sauce
• Pampers
• Shock Waves
• Star Magazine
• Diet Coke
• trail: The 100 Greatest Scary Moments
• trail: No Angels
• Wynton Marsalis Sparks on iTunes
• Herbal Essences
• Max Factor – Memoirs of a Geisha
• Witch
• Rimmel
• Budweiser
• Hollywood Smile
• Aldi
• Whiskas
• trail: E4 First Look
• trail: Chantelle: Living the Dream
• Fairy Non Bio
• Head & Shoulders
• Pure Purple
• Sheba
• Always
• Lacoste Cool Play
• Kandoo
• Lenor
• The Weather Man in cinemas
• trail: The O.C.
• trail: Album Chart Show
• Fairy Power Spray – Ainsley Harriot
• Flash Ultimate
• Closer
• Last Holiday in cinemas
• Serenity on DVD
• Nobby’s Crisps – Noddy Holder
• trail: Film Four
• trail: ER

Postman Pat – 26 Feb 2006

Just one programme today, Postman Pat – Postman Pat and the Bowling Buddies.

Constable Selby won a bowling set in the police raffle, so now they’re going to have a bowling evening.

I suspect Mrs Goggins might be a ringer.

In class Lucy won’t let Sarah sit next to her because her imaginary friend Susie is sitting there. Although I suspect it’s because Sarah is a horrible person.

Pat tells Reverend Timms about the bowling night. When he says he doesn’t have a partner, Pat suggests asking Mrs Goggins.

Constable Selby tells Pat and Ajay about the bowling night. Ajay would have gone with his wife Nisha, but she’s busy that night. Ajay says he’ll ask Pat, but Ted says he was going to ask Pat.

Ted and Ajay practice together, so they can impress Pat and get him to be one of their partner, but they seem to end up injuring each other.

They even get their fingers stuck in the bowling ball.

Come the bowling party, Pat plays with his wife Sara, and suggests Ajay and Ted make a team. Much fun is had by all.

Media Centre Description: Children’s animation. Pat is a very popular choice for a bowling buddy.

BBC Genome: CBeebies – Sunday 26th February 2006 – 13:00