Under Siege 2 – Dark Territory – tape 2399

It’s the sequel to the better-than-it-ought-to-have-been Under Siege. I haven’t watched that in a while, so I hope I can keep track of all the great Under Siege characters and plot from the first film.

Under Siege was one of the better “Die Hard in a …” movies, it being ‘Die Hard on a ship”. So they try the same here, and make it ‘Die Hard on a train’. (There’s a possibly apocryphal story that tells of a young screenwriter pitching ideas, one of which is ‘Die Hard in a skyscraper’. I hope it’s true.)

It starts off with the launch of a brand new spy satellite so advanced that the first thing the guy operating it does is spy on a girl nude sunbathing. Yes, it’s that kind of classy film. Well, I suppose the first one had a topless dancer as the female lead.

On the plus side, Kurtwood Smith turns up early as a General.

Kurtwood Smith

Steven Seagal is introduced with a rousing fanfare, while his friend (a chef) is waiting. He says goodbye and salutes the man driving him, and his friend says “Were you on some kind of special op? I guess you can’t tell me though.” Thus, we quickly get the exposition about why a chef is a super soldier out of the way.

He’s soon off to meet his young neice, Katherine Heigl, whose parents died in a plane crash, so she’s harbouring some resentment. They’re travelling on a train.

But naturally, bad guys show up, one of whom is Mike from Breaking Bad.

Jonathan Banks

The chief bad guy is Eric Bogosian. Not quite Tommy Lee Jones, but just as talkative. He’s the designer of the secret satellite, which is not just a spy satellite, but a satellite that can generate earthquakes. And now that he controls it, he’s asking for 1 billion dollars.

His gang have state of the art equipment, too. Witness the latest piece of Apple kit.

Newton

The satellite is called ‘Grazer 1’ but Bogosian keeps calling it ‘Grazier 1’ for some reason. It’s a fairly predictable movie, aside from the final denouement, where the train collides head-on with a freight train, and Seagal escapes by running back along the length of the train then jumping on to a rope ladder hanging from a helicopter. I didn’t quite buy that bit.

Following the movie, there’s a short interview with director Roger Donaldson abut his movie Dante’s Peak.

Then, another movie starts. Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, the strange, extremely meta installment in the Nightmare on Elm Street series. It features Wes Craven as himself, Heather Langenkamp as herself, Rober Englund as himself in a very self-aware movie. It might have pre-dated Scream by a few years, but it was playing the same games. The tape ends during this movie.

 

Adverts and trails:

  • McDonalds
  • Polo
  • Clearasil
  • Ford Escort
  • trail: Boxing
  • trail: Apollo 13
  • Kleenex for Men
  • trail: To Die For
  • Playboy Channel
  • Peugeot 406 – Kim Basinger
  • Castrol GTX
  • Braun oral B
  • Stella Artois
  • Specsavers
  • Snickers
  • Bacardi
  • trail: Boxing
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